


Crack cats - A Nekoma Volleyball club chatfic

by StupidChild



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: :/, Agender Character, Attempt at Humor, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Bigender Chatacter, Bigender Fukunaga Shouhei, By the way none of the minors in this fic actually had sex ever, Chatting & Messaging, Coming Out, Crack, Dont ask questions, Eggs, Established Relationship, F/M, Gen, Genderfluid Character, Getting Together, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, I‘m just having fun I realize this makes no sense, Kunimi Akira is a Little Shit, Kuroo has giant cardboard cutouts of his team now, M/M, Misgendering, Multi, Nekoma Volleyball Club centric, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Ennoshita Chikara, Party, Texting, There's A Tag For That, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Watari "the chosen egg" Shinj, Watari is an Asexual Bean fight me, Yahaba "Hornyhaba" Shigeru, and i love him, anyways just eggs, bc yeah as if I‘d make them transphobic-, but I always accidentally end up making Nekoma the focus, but they‘re all respectful about it and just apologize and move on, in like one chapter, it/its pronouns, lol, lots of other teams are in this and have important roles, pls Tell me it isn’t some kink I wasn’t aware off-, sorry not sorry I make the rules, sorry to say this Kuroo simps but that man is definitely a virgin-, tbh I don’t think the 18year old characters ever had sex either, they just make a lot of jokes about having sex cuz that‘s what people do for some reason, well there‘s some here or there, yes I‘m serious
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:06:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24882790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StupidChild/pseuds/StupidChild
Summary: Constantly on catnip: YoooooooMeow: W h yGrumpy cat: NoDog: GROUP CHAT?!Dog: YESSSSSSSSEveryone's favorite kitten: what the frick frack tic tac-Smol kitten: lol this is greatGrumpy cat: I already hate this and everything about itEveryone's favorite kitten: even me?!Grumpy cat: Except you Yuuki. You're great I love you.Longcat: ...Fierce Tiger(cub): HA GET REKT LEG!!!!Smol kitten: ^Longcat: at least say my name right!Fierce Tiger(cub): LegLongcat: :,cConstantly on catnip:Constantly on catnip: Now that I think about it, maybe this was a bad idea-Neko Atsume is a blessing: It's too late to go back now———This is a chat fic (read: crack fic) I started on Wattpad and I was just like- why notFukunaga is bigender And Ennoshita nonbinary btwAlso that one headcanon I dreamed about at 3am where even tho they’re not team parents (yet) Fukunaga and Yamamoto are Teshiro‘s "parents". I like it, it’s funny, don’t judge meAnd no this isn’t Nekoma only anymore, but I liked the name so I‘m sticking with it
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Ennoshita Chikara/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Fukunaga Shouhei/Yamamoto Taketora, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio/Yachi Hitoka, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 70
Kudos: 193
Collections: Chatfics I simp for





	1. Mistakes are made, just like you Kuroo

**Author's Note:**

> I have this Asanoya draft but I‘m kind of struggling to write anything serious rn and it’s just so much easier to write crack fics- so sorry
> 
> Names btw-
> 
> Constantly on catnip - Kuroo Tetsurou  
> Dog - Inuoka Sou  
> Everyone's favorite kitten - Shibayama Yuuki  
> Fierce Tiger(cub) - Yamamoto Taketora  
> Grumpy cat - Yaku Morisuke  
> Longcat- Haiba Lev  
> Manekineko-neko-nii - Fukunaga Shouhei  
> Meow - Kai Nobuyuki  
> Neko Atsume is a blessing - Kozume Kenma  
> Smol kitten - Teshiro Tamahiko

**19:57 / 7:57 pm**  
**Constantly on catnip created "Nobody leaves"**

**Constantly on catnip added Dog, Everyone's favorite kitten, Fierce Tiger(cub), Grumpy cat, Longcat, Manekineko-neko-nii, Meow, Neko Atsume is a blessing and Smol kitten**

**Constantly on catnip:** Yooooooo

 **Meow:** W h y

 **Grumpy cat:** No

 **Dog:** GROUP CHAT?!

 **Dog:** YESSSSSSSS

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** what the frick frack tic tac-

 **Smol kitten:** lol this is great

 **Grumpy cat:** I already hate this and everything about it

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** even me?!

 **Grumpy cat:** Except you Yuuki. You're great I love you.

 **Longcat:**...

 **Fierce Tiger(cub)** : HA GET REKT LEG!!!!

 **Smol kitten:** ^

 **Longcat:** at least say my name right!

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Leg

 **Longcat:** :,c

**Constantly on catnip:**

**Constantly on catnip:** Now that I think about it, maybe this was a bad idea-

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** It's too late to go back now

 **Constantly on catnip:** lol true

 **Grumpy cat:** What even makes you think that nobody's gonna leave???

 **Constantly on catnip:** You see...that's where my captain authority comes in. This is a team group chat so I'm forcing all of you to stay in it

 **Constantly on catnip:** Just like I forced all of you to have cat related usernames

 **Grumpy cat:** ...I hate you so much

 **Meow:** This is a mistake and you're going to regret it. Trust me.

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** he likes mistakes bc he's one of them

 **Smol kitten:** I ... w o w

 **Longcat:** at least I'm not the only one getting bullied :/

 **Constantly on catnip:** ANYWAYS

 **Constantly on catnip:** We need some ground rules.  
Rule number one: nobody leaves

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** I feel like he's gonna start some kind of cult

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** wdym? We're already a cult

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** I- what?!

 **Constantly on catnip:** Rule number two: No honorifics while texting, it just feels weird

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** The speech about us being blood and Kenma our brain Kuroo does before literally every match???

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** I'm surprised you didn't notice it yet, but that seems super freaky and culty to people who've never played us before

 **Constantly on catnip:** Rule number three: Nobody adds anybody from another team

 **Dog:** someone's gonna break that rule and you know it

 **Constantly on catnip:** Rule number four: Swearing is fine, but be careful what you type. We have first years here

 **Smol kitten:** Says you

 **Smol kitten** : (no offense)

 **Constantly on catnip:** (non taken, you're not wrong after all lol)

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** AND THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE: nobody, _absolutely nobody,_ sends nudes.

 **Grumpy cat:** What the fuck kind of shit rule is that?

 **Meow:** Why is this rule necessary? Should I be concerned?

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Those two dudes from Miyagi send nudes into the second year group chat once.

 **Menekineko-neko-nii:** They're the captains of Datekou and Johzenji respectively I think

 **Dog:** SO YOU WERE HERE THIS WHOLE TIME I THOUGHT YOU WERE OFFLINE

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** I'm always lurking, waiting to offend, disturb, or make people uncomfortable

 **Longcat:** ngl that's kinda creepy

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** （╹◡╹）

 **Longcat:** ...don't like that

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** Are we just gonna ignore what Fukunaga told us?

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** Like what goes down in that group chat???

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** cursed things, many cursed things

 **Constantly on catnip:** Why did I not know about that group chat Kenma btw? And who made it?

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** 1\. You never asked. 2. Nishinoya from Karasuno

 **Meow:** who's even in it?

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** All the Karasuno second years, us from Nekoma, Akaashi, three guys from Seijoh, two guys from Datekou, two guys from Shiratorizawa and Johzenji's captain

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** it used to be all of Johzenji but the rest got kicked by Ennoshita for bad behavior

 **Dog:** Yoooo that chat sounds wild

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** It's cursed and I hate it but every time I leave I get added right back in

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** Why don't you just behave bad and let yourself get kicked then?

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Ennoshita has very high standards for bad behavior

 **Longcat:** ...just meet those standards

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** I don't think Kenma's gonna set a house on fire, film it and send it to the second year group chat before calling the police or firefighters or whatever

 **Meow:** Yeah no Kenma don't do that

 **Constantly on catnip:** This chat is great when you compare it to that mess right?

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** I mean yeah but..it's still a mistake

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** just like you <3

 **Grumpy cat:** THEY FUCKING COMMIT ARSON?!

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** It was an accident. They thought lighting fireworks in their setter's house would be _lit_

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Terushima (that's the captain) is only still in the chat because he was sick and couldn't join them

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** Did you just...make a pun about some poor dude burning his house down...?

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Let him be, puns make him happy

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** They do...? Even if they do is it really okay to make jokes about that?

 **Smol kitten:** don't _flame_ mum it's not his fault that he like puns and some dude was stupid enough to light his own house on fire. It gives him the perfect opportunity to _cremate_ some puns. Besides, have you seen the _spark_ in Fukunaga's eyes whenever he hears puns? He loves them!

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** I'm so proud-

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Me too! Our son's growing up to be great annoying the shit out of people with puns

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Is this how Yaku feels when Kenma or I talk with people? Cause I'm rlly feeling like a proud parent rn

 **Smol kitten:** Did I do good?

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Yes very

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** You're horrible, all three of you

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** You know what? Never mind, both of the volleyball group chats I'm in are cursed and I hate them

 **Constantly on catnip:** :c

 **Meow:** I...think I'm gonna mute this chat now...

 **Constantly on catnip:** NO LEAVING _OR_ MUTING THE CHAT

 **Meow:** GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

 **Longcat:** HE SWORE! KAI SWORE!

 **Dog:** EVERYONE TAKE SCREENSHOTS OR ELSE NO ONE'S GONNA BELIEVE THIS

 **Grumpy cat:** HE FINALLY CRACKED! HE SWORE IN FRONT OF OUR KOUHAI! Who's the perfect senpai now?

 **Meow:** definitely not you...

 **Grumpy cat:** >:c

 **Meow:** Am I wrong?

 **Grumpy cat:** ...nO but what makes you think you have the right to say it?

 **Meow:** I didn't say it, I wrote it

 **Meow:** I could delete that message right now, it would've never happened then

 **Grumpy cat:** _bitch_

_**21:30 / 9:30pm** _   
**Nobody leaves**

**Constantly on catnip:** So...about those nudes

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Both very disappointing. But I guess the sizes of their egos are compensating for that

 **Constantly on catnip:** HOLY SHIT THAT WAS NOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO ASK

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** You wanted to know, admit it

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** I'm serious tho, Tora's bigger

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** OKAY HOW ABOUT WE STOP RIGHT HERE

 **Meow:** There are children here! Heck, YOUR "son" is here!

 **Grumpy cat:** Do you have no sense of shame?

 **Constantly on catnip:** Rule number four. Rule number Four. Rule number Four. Rule number Four.

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** I'm...gonna go to bed now

 **Smol kitten:** Thanks mum! Did NOT need to know that about dad

**Dog:**

**Dog:** Okay but you gotta admit that he's good at the whole making people uncomfortable thing he promised


	2. Fierce Tiger(cub): I love my creepy stalker fiancé

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Engagement :)
> 
> Also Fukunaga is going to hell and she’s sitting on the god damn throne even if she has to fight Tendou for it-

_**7:26 / 7:26am** _ **  
Nobody leaves**

**Grumpy cat:** I just realized that this chat is good for one thing (but only one Kuroo), Fukunaga what are your pronouns today?

 **Meow:** You're Right This is actually quite practical for that-

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** She/her

 **Dog:** Okay! btw Fukunaga I forgot to ask yesterday but what's up with your name?

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** She's not gonna answer because she doesn't see how she could make anybody uncomfortable and It's not super important to her (like me or our son or her Waifus/husbandos) so I'm gonna do it for her

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** look at a Manekineko and then at Sho-Chan. You see it right? Especially when she has her arms up in the air (which she does a lot actually, which is kinda weird but let's not talk about that)

 **Dog:** !!!!!

 **Dog:** I totally see it! But what's with the other half?

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** ...Do you know "love life school idol project"?

 **Dog:** she likes that?

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** yeah we binge watched it together-

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Nico is best girl

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Nozomi

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** You heard her

**Dog: My favorite is Rin!!!**

**Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Fools. The obvious choice for best girl is Maki

 **Smol kitten** : Mum, dad. I never watched that, can we binge watch it together?

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Yes of course anything for you son

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** You're missing out son. We'll watch the whole thing on Friday. You two can come to my place.

 **Meow:** Why are you so crazy about a bunch of girls that look way younger than they are singing girly songs?

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Are you implying that love life is bad

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Before you answer, here is a friendly reminder that I have blackmail on all of you. We wouldn't want the first years to know what happened last year would we Kai

**Meow:**

**Meow:** No of course I wasn't implying that Yamamoto love life is great!

 **Manekineko- neko-nii:** Good

 **Longcat:** Is it just me or is Fukunaga the creepiest person on the team. I'm so scared of her power-

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** Omg yes! Finally someone understands me! She knows all our secrets, has blackmail on everyone, has the most expressionless face which makes her hard to read and only has to snap her fingers and this delinquent looking Tiger guy will actually beat you up-

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** The power she hold is dangerous. We gotta dethrone her

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Tora just looks scary he wouldn't hurt a fly-

 **Dog:** Let's be real, if you asked him too he'd totally beat someone up

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** u right, u right

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** It's called true love-

 **Smol kitten:** dad stop being gross af

 **Constantly on catnip:** You robbed me of my dad status Yamamoto . I hate you for that you know

 **Grumpy cat:** HECK YEAH! Fukunaga also stole my mum title

 **Constantly on catnip:** Let's get rid of them

 **Grumpy cat:** Yeah let's

 **Longcat:** Shit my boyfriend's about to commit murder-

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Woah calm down. You're still our parents. Right?

 **Smol kitten:** Yeah! Grandparents :D

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Yeah besides. If anything happens to Tora the whole school finds out how Kuroo and Kenma got together and what happened on Lev's and Yaku's date last week

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** I don't think that's helping

 **Constantly on catnip:** How the fuck do you even know that?! That was like five years ago-

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** I may have told her. But that's cause she blackmailed me into doing it-

 **Grumpy cat:** AND HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT DATE?! DID LEB TELL YOU

 **Longcat:** WAIT NO! I swear I didn't! I swear I didn't!

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** I have pictures~

 **Longcat:** You have WHAT

 **Grumpy cat:** Where the fuck did you get those?!

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** :)

 **Dog:** Oh my god Fukunaga is so creepy-

 **Grumpy cat:** You're just bluffing right?

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Maybe, wanna find out?

 **Smol kitten:** Don't try her. I saw the pictures. She really has them.

 **Longcat:** S T A L K E R

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** People from other schools are scared of Yamamoto and Kuroo for their appearance. People at our school are scared of Yaku because of his demon senpai title. But the one person we should all fear is Fukunaga

 **Dog:** I don't feel safe anymore

 **Meow:** She watches our every move- she's all knowing

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** So...you gonna show me those pictures?

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Of course <3

 **Grumpy cat:** NOOOOO

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Too late she sent them to me already. That's great. Didn't think stuff like that would look good on you Yaku

 **Grumpy cat:** Shut up.

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** I'm not saying anything ;)

 **Grumpy cat:** I'm gonna fucking kill you

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Lay a Finger on Tora and those pics are going viral

 **Longcat:** SO EVIL

 **Dog:** Yamamoto. Teshiro. How are you not scared of her?

 **Smol kitten:** She loves us

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Yeah she can't even threaten us without cracking and apologizing before she can finish the threat

 **Constantly on catnip:** Srsly? Lucky you

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** She also has a soft spot for Kenma tho

 **Meow:** Everyone has a soft spot for Kenma

 **Dog:** Isn't that like, a requirement to get into the team?

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** I think it's more of an unspoken agreement that if you could only safe one person from the team from a burning building, the right answer is me

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Also yeah, she threatens me a lot less than you guys (excluding her husband and son) and she always apologizes afterwards

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** :)

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** Wait wait wait wait

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** Since when were they married?

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Since now

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Sho-Chan is my loving wife and Tamahiko is our son.

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Or wait no, we're engaged. That way we can have a play wedding

 **Dog:** Can we have one of those play weddings grade school kid always do

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Y E S

 **Smol kitten:** Can I be Ring bearer?

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Yes

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Akane says she'll be flower girl

 **Constantly on catnip:** Wait let's actually do that! We can invite Karasuno and Fukurōdani!

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** No Nohebi?

 **Constantly on catnip:** No nohebi

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** It's our wedding and I say we also invite Seijoh, Shiratorizawa and Datekou...and maybe Johzenji

 **Longcat:** Yessss we can throw a big party!

 **Meow:** That's gonna end in so much chaos-

 **Constantly on catnip:** Ikr? It's perfect

 **Smol kitten:** My parents are getting married!  
I'm so excited

**Fierce Tiger(cub): I love my fiancé and my son**

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** Me too, me too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah Fukunaga most definitely has blackmail on literally everyone and her friends just have to accept it and live in fear of her powers. It’s always the quiet ones I speak from experience.


	3. IwaOi = Kyouhaba but Yahaba is less of a pain than Oikawa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second year croup chat :D
> 
> Not putting a list of names so you can use your brains and then be like "damm these are some dumb names"

_**19:10 / 7:10pm** _  
**Ennoshita hates your guts Terushima**

**Fierce Tiger(cub):** Shouhei and I are engaged now and ya'll are invited to our wedding

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** I- what

 **Never gonna fill Tendou's shoes:** Congratulations. You're supposed to say congratulations.

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Thanks Taichi. Anyways all of your teams are invited too, so tell them

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Except for You Terushima. Your team is only allowed to come if you all can behave

 **Resident Playboy:** Yes yes I'll keep them under control I promise

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Okay we don't have all the details sorted out yet, but we basically just want to throw a huge party and Sho and I can get play married while we're at it

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** We want to do in like two weeks (weekend of course) and somewhere here in Tokyo Sorry to all of you from Miyagi

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** Nah it's fine. Tell us when you have an exact time and place

 **Shirabitch:** Are you actually serious about this?

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Yes

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Yes

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Yes

 **Naruto:** Even Kenma?!

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Something's gonna Go wrong and it'll be hilarious

 **FukDaCoochie:** I don't wanna go. But at the same time I really really want to

 **Brick wall:** ^

 **Rolling thunder into your heart:** You don't expect us to dress fancy do you?

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Nah

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Just try not to look like a hobo and you good

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** wait why did Noya change his name again. Didn't he change it yesterday already?

 **Rolling thunder into your heart:** No reason...

 **An average person:** It may have to do with the fact that Asahi told him to "change your name to something different or I'm breaking up with you right now I swear" at practice today

 **Rolling thunder into your heart:** Hisashi!

 **An average person:** Okay but "I praise the sky daddy every day" what did you expect? He's Jesus you can't do that

 **Buddha:** He's right Noya. I hate to say it but he's right

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Brooooooo

 **Buddha:** Broooooooooooooo

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Okay now that you're finally here I gotta ask you an important question

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Will you be my best man?

 **Buddha:** FUCK YEAH

 **The maddest of Dogs:** They're actually taking this whole wedding thing serious I'm crying

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Chikara?

 **Tired of my team's shit:** I'd be honored

 **Bokuto's personal babysitter:** This is not going to end well

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** Let's just roll with it

 **Tired of my team's shit:** It's gonna be a disaster and we'll have to live with it

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** I don't want to go. I really don't

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** Well too bad cause you're gonna

 **Shirabitch:** Maybe he's scared to get lost in the big city? He probably doesn't want to go without his mama

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** I'm gonna find you and shave your head in your sleep. It'll be and improvement from that mess you currently call a hairstyle you dickwaffle

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** Kentarou? Please?

 **The maddest of dogs:** Shigeru.

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** He started it!

 **The maddest of dogs:** I don't care who started it idiot. But you two are gonna be in the same place very soon and I don't want you to start physically fighting, which is gonna happen if you keep fighting through text.

 **The maddest of dogs:** Last time you two had one of your bitch fights I had to get involved to stop you! I had scratches all over me afterwards

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** Is that really my fault tho?

 **The maddest of dogs:** Yes it is! For having a shitty personality and getting into a bitch fight with someone with an equally shitty personality!

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** Fuck you Kentarou. Fuck you.

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** You know Kentarou kinda sounded like Iwaizumi for a second there

 **Shirabitch:** I- wha-

**Creampuff of your nightmares:**

**The maddest of dogs:**

**The maddest of dogs:** You're a shitty guy! Shittyhaba! Trashyhaba!

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** Mean Ken-Chan! Mean! >_<

 **Naruto:** OH GOD NO OIKAWA WILL FOREVER HAUNT US

 **FukDaChoochie:** Lol

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** Holy shit they're turning into IwaOi

 **Buddha:** What the fuck is happening I'm scared-

 **Brick wall:** ^

 **The maddest of dogs:** Okay but I'm serious. Don't bitch fight. This goes to you too Shirabu.

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** I'll think about it

 **Shirabitch:** Pffff you can't tell me what to do you ugly ass bumble bee dog

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Maybe you'd like to know that I have blackmail on both you and that Kyoutani (and probably Kawanishi actually) is willing to pay for it?

 **Never gonna fill Tendou's shoes:** Lol yeah I would

 **Shirabitch:** Never mind then. I take back what I just said.

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** You know what Shirabu? Suddenly I feel like we should grow up and start arguing like normal people, instead of throwing around insults like toddlers and then getting physical

 **Shirabitch:** Yeah, or even better let's set our differences aside, become friends and agree to disagree should we ever get into an argument again.

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** Very well, my friend

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** What the fuck Shigeru. You don't even call ME your friend. And I was like the only one willing to put up with your shit for more than half a year when we first started high school-

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** Shut up Watari, we're not friends, we're acquaintances

 **The maddest of dogs:** I'm guessing we're not friends either then? Thank god

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** Of course We're Not friends either, we're boyfriends

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** You two are dating...?

**Creampuff of your nightmares:**

**The maddest of dogs:**

**Seijoh's last hope at sanity:**

**FukDaChoochie:** Wow

 **Bokuto's personal babysitter:** I don't know what bothers me more. The fact that Watari was too dumb to notice or the fact that Kyoutani and Yahaba didn't bother telling both of their best friend-

 **Brick wall:** ^

_**19:20 / 7:20pm** _  
**Nobody leaves**

**Fierce Tiger(cub):** Okay so we told the second year chat and they're gonna tell their teams

 **Constantly on catnip:** Nice.

 **Constantly on catnip:** Btw Did anything interesting happen? That chat seems so fun

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Not much. Just, Watari from Seijoh apparently didn't notice his two best friends dating for like two months now.

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Which is kinda dumb because everyone in the chat could tell, even those who had never met the two

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Oh and Sho-Chan threatened people with blackmail again, but this time it was fine because it was Yahabitch and Shirabitch and those two seriously need to stop fighting-

 **Grumpy cat:** Yahabitch and Shirabitch

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Yeah cause they're both bitches- Futakuchi from Datekou used to get involved in their bitch fights a lot too, but he keeps it down now because of Fukunaga

 **Meow:** I'm almost afraid to ask, but what did Fukunaga do?

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Remember what we said about two guys sending nudes? Futakuchi was one of them

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** Are you saying that...

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** :)

 **Dog:** nO

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Y e s

 **Grumpy cat:** I wanna say that I'm disappointed in you, but at the same time? Oh my god I love you Fukunaga-

 **Longcat:** That is ridiculously evil even for your standards

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** It was only two people don't worry. One of them was their team mum and he made sure that no one else got them. I'm not THAT much of an asshole (the other one was their former captain btw and he made fun of Futakuchi for weeks after that-)

 **Smol kitten:** Can we please just talk about something else now

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Yeah actually

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Tanaka is my best man now and Ennoshita is Shouhei's...?

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Gender non specific equivalent of best man and/or maid of honor...?

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Yeah let's just roll with that

 **Longcat:** Can't you just google it?

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** You google it then, we're too lazy to do it

 **Longcat:** ...nah I'm also too lazy

 **Meow:** "When the groom wishes to give this honor to a woman, she may be termed the best woman or best person, or may still be referred to as the 'best man'. The bride's equivalent of the best man is the maid or matron of honour. A gender-neutral term is honor attendant."

 **Meow:** It literally took me five seconds to find that

 **Constantly on catnip:** Thanks Kai. This is why we need you

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Okay then, Ennoshita is the bridegroom's honor attendant? Best Person?

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Honor attendant sounds weirdly fascinating, so that

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Yeah lol agreed

 **Dog:** Is bridegroom just the "genderless" word for groom/bride?

 **Grumpy cat:** There's some history behind the word, but yeah basically

 **Dog:** Nice

 **Smol kitten:** I still can't believe my parents are finally getting married-

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** I can't either. It's ridiculous and I love it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that I put an awful lot of focus on that whole wedding thing- but that’s literally only because almost all the teams will be in one spot then and it‘ll be utter chaos


	4. The crows enter. This might be a problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joke drama that seems like it might be important but is really just a joke because this is a crack fic-  
> Also KageHina with a sprinkle of Yachi because I don’t even know why- I like it it’s cute

_**18:35/ 6:35pm** _   
**Nobody leaves**

**Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Kuro

 **Constantly on catnip:** Yes?

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** I'm breaking rule number 3

 **Constantly on Catnip:** What? No!

**Neko Atsume is a blessing added Literal ball of sunshine**

**Constantly on catnip:**

**Neko Atsume is a blessing:**

**Constantly on catnip:** Kenma why

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** Oh no am I not welcome here? I asked Kenma to add me I'm sorry :(

 **Constantly on catnip:** What?! Nonononono You're always welcome Hinata we looooove you

 **Constantly on catnip:** Pls don't be sad

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** :)

 **Longcat:** Hinataaaaaaa

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** Levvvvvvvvvv

 **Dog:** Hinataaaaaaaaa

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** Inuokaaaaaaaaaaa

 **Grumpy cat:** What the actual fuck is going on

 **Meow:** I don't know and I don't want to know

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** Can I add someone?

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Kuro Be careful what you answer

 **Constantly on catnip:** Calm down Kenma we both know that I can't say no to him

 **Constantly on catnip:** Go ahead Chibi-Chan you can add as many people as you want

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** :D

**Literal ball of sunshine added Anxious cinnamon roll**

**Anxious cinnamon roll:** I...hi...?

 **Constantly on catnip:** Wait which one are you

 **Constantly on catnip:** As in are you the first year manager or Tsukki's boyfriend?

 **Anxious cinnamon roll:** I'm the manager

 **Anxious cinnamon roll:** Hinata what is this?

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** The Nekoma group chat!!!

 **Anxious cinnamon roll:** Wait aren't we intruding then?! I'm so sorry

 **Constantly on catnip:** Nah it's fine don't worry about it

 **Anxious cinnamon roll:** Really? Okay. That is very nice of you. Thank you! Sorry again-

 **Grumpy cat:** I like this one, she's adorable.  
Can we keep her?

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** Yes Yachi is very adorable!!!

 **Literal ball of sunshine** : Wait no you can't have her >:c

 **Meow:** Oh my god they're both adorable-

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** Why can't we have her Hinata?

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** uhm...because-

 **Anxious cinnamon roll:** It's okay Hinata. Take your time.

 **Grumpy cat:** That's it. Yachi I'm adopting you

**Literal ball of sunshine added Swageyama Tobiyolo**

**Literal ball of sunshine:** Kageyama! Tell them why they can't have Yachi!

 **Swageyama Tobiyolo:** Why would they want Yachi? What even is this???

 **Smol kitten:** This is our (Nekoma volleyball team) group chat

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** Yeah and they want to steal Yachi!

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Correction: _Yaku_ wants to _adopt_ her and I personally have nothing to do with it

 **Swageyama Tobiyolo:** Boke Hinata! They can't steal Yachi.

 **Swageyama Tobiyolo:** If she wants to be "adopted" by Yaku (who is Yaku btw) then that's her decision. You can't control her.

 **Swageyama Tobiyolo:** So they wouldn't be stealing her away. She can do what she wants srsly you're a dumbass

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Isn't it funny how you think that Kageyama is being respectful and then he ends his sentence with "you're a dumbass?"

 **Anxious cinnamon roll:** Kageyama is right Hinata. Don't worry I won't leave you

 **Anxious cinnamon roll:** Sorry Yaku-san

 **Grumpy cat:** Fineeeeeee oh and no honorifics needed as long as we're in the chat

 **Anxious cinnamon roll:** oh okay sorry

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** And you promise that you won't leave us Yachi???

 **Anxious cinnamon roll:** Yes promise

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** :D

 **Constantly on catnip:** Why did you get so upset anyways? Is she your girlfriend or something ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)???

**Literal ball of sunshine:**

**Literal ball of sunshine:** well-

 **Constantly on catnip:** Wait srsly? That was meant to be a joke. _Chibi-Chan_ has a _girlfriend_ and it's the cute manager??? I always thought you were with the grumpy setter?

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Shoyou weren't you dating Kageyama?

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** I am dating Kageyama!

 **Literal ball of sunshine:**...b u t

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** I'm also dating Yachi...

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** And she's also dating Kageyama...

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** So You're poly. That makes sense I guess

 **Dog:** Wait you can do that? That's so cool!

 **Swageyama Tobiyolo:** You know, you could have asked us before telling all of Nekoma

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** I'm sorry! Pls don't be mad!

 **Anxious cinnamon roll:** It's fine Hinata. Isn't it?

 **Swageyama Tobiyolo:** Yeah. S'fine

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** That's cute and all but I don't really care because I have a proposition for you from Karasuno

 **Anxious cinnamon roll:** And that would be?

 **Swageyama Tobiyolo:** What the fuck is a proposition

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** Language! But also yeah what is that

**Manekineko-neko-nii:**

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** Okay no using big words. Got it

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** I just want you to add the rest of your team

 **Smol kitten:** No offense mum, but I don't think that's a good idea-

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** That's a great idea!!! Kuroo can I???

 **Constantly on catnip:** Look, why do you even ask isn't it obvious that I can't say no?

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** Is that a yes

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Yes

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** :D

**Literal ball of sunshine added An average person, Buddha, D(e)adchi, Goddess, Naruto, Rolling Thunder into your heart, Sugar mummy, Tired of my team's shit, Tsukki's stars, Yama's moon and Your lord and savior**

**Meow:** There was a time when I thought that this chat wouldn't go down in flames

 **Meow:** I was wrong

 **Naruto:** Why do literally all of you have names that imply you're a cat except for "Dog"???

 **Constantly on catnip:** Because we're Nekoma and because Inuoka is a dog

 **Naruto:** Well okay then-

 **Sugar mummy:** Wait Yaku you and your boyfriend have matching meme nicknames? THAT'S SO CUTE

 **Grumpy cat:** I guess...

 **Longcat:** It was his idea

 **Grumpy cat:** SHUT UP LEG

 **Longcat:** why does everyone call me leg???

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** because legs

 **Buddha:** Broooooooooo

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Brooooooooo

 **Tired of my team's shit:** I want to leave

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** :c

 **Tired of my team's shit:** Never mind, I'll stay

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** :D

 **Constantly on catnip:** Am I seeing things? Is Tsukki actually secretly a sap?

 **Yama's moon:** Don't call me Tsukki you dumb fuck

 **Yama's moon:** Also it was Tadashi's idea

 **Sugar mummy:** Those two are so disgustingly sweet and romantic

 **D(e)adchi:** Yeah they change nicknames a lot but they always match

 **Meow:** I'm intrigued

 **An average person:** They had stuff like "I like salty things" and "The saltiest thing you'll ever meet", "Shut up Yamaguchi" and "Sorry Tsukki" and "Strawberry shortcake" and "Soggy fries"

 **Dog:** Wait I don't get the food one

 **Tsukki's stars:** Just each other's favorite foods

 **Dog:** OH THAT's CUTE!

 **Smol kitten:** They weren't kidding it's disgusting how cute and wholesome you are

 **Grumpy cat:** Srsly you're so sweet

 **Tsukki's stars:** well-

 **Tired of my team's shit:** Hah I wish

 **Grumpy cat:** wha?

 **Rolling thunder into your heart:** "Freckle fetish" and "Glasses kink", "Salt tastes good" and "EVERY part of me is salty" and my personal favorites "Spank me Tsukki" and "Gladly"

 **Constantly on catnip:** Woah- did not expect that from you Tsukki

 **Yama's moon:** Don't call me Tsukki

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** Ya'll need Jesus

 **Your lord and savior:** You called?

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** I-

 **Buddha:** lol told you he embraced it

 **D(e)adchi:** Do you see what I have to deal with every day Kuroo? Do you see it?

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Karasuno sure is a mess...

 **Goddess:** It sure is.

 **Buddha:** THE BEAUTIFUL GODDESS HAS SPOKEN

 **Rolling thunder into your heart:** SHE HAS GRACED US WITH HER PRESENCE

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** BOW BEFORE THIS GORGEOUS BEING WAY ABOVE ANY OF US

**Goddess:**

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** Tora the fuck

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Hush Shouhei The goddess is honoring us with her presence, we shall be quiet

 **Grumpy cat:** He just fucking hushed his boyfriend because of a pretty girl I can't-

**Goddess:**

**Your lord and savior:** Woah...Kiyoko didn't expect you to actually participate in this mess

 **Goddess:** Trust me, me neither. I'm surprised myself.

 **Buddha:** WAIT KIYOKO-SAN RESPONDS TO YOU-

 **Rolling thunder into your heart:** WAIT UR ON FIRST BAME BASIS

 **Rolling thunder into your heart:** SINCE WHEN

 **Rolling thunder into your heart:** B A B E

 **Your lord and savior:** Please calm down both of you

 **Your lord and savior:** We're friends

 **Goddess:** Wanna study together tomorrow?

 **Your lord and savior:** Sure. My place

 **Goddess:** Okay.

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Jesus-kun

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Teach me your ways

 **Your lord and savior:** No

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** _No_

 **Smol kitten:** mum?

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** _No_

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Calm down Shouhei pls

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** _No_

 **Tired of my team's shit:** Aaaaand we have ourselves a jealous boyfriend (for a good reason, be a little more sensible Yamamoto smh)

 **Rolling thunder into your heart:** Tora really just managed to annoy Shouhei I'm crying- not even I can do that and I'm an annoying little shit

 **Yama's moon:** emphasis on little

 **Rolling thunder into your heart:** Fuck you

 **Tsukki's stars:** Sorry Noya he‘s taken

 **Meow:** What the fuck is wrong with Karasuno first years

 **Dog:** He swore again!

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** At this point I'm not even surprised

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Shit

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Shouhei's offline now

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** Wait wait wait- is Fukunaga upset? Why?

 **Buddha:** Asahi and Ennoshita don't get upset anymore because Kiyko is always around but it's rare for Tora so Fukunaga isn't used to it

 **Buddha:** Hah Good luck dealing with that bro

 **Smol kitten:** He'll need it

 **An average person:** Am I the only one who's concerned that Fukunaga is gonna hire a hitman or something

 **Naruto:** You're definitely not. He probably will

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** If you value your life don't piss Shouhei off. Such a simple rule yet Tora didn't even manage that

 **Anxious cinnamon roll:** He's not gonna come for Shimizu is he?

 **Tired of my team's shit:** Nah, he'll give Yamamoto some time to talk to him and only do something after like a day

 **Tired of my team's shit:** besides if anything he'll target Yamamoto

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** You're not going to try and stop Fukunaga?

 **Tired of my team's shit:** Nah

 **Buddha:** Nah

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Nah

 **Rolling thunder into your heart:** Nah

 **Longcat:** Wow...betrayed by his own close friend group...poor Yamamoto 

**Swageyama Tobiyolo:** Why Do you all seem cool with that? Isn't that Yamamoto guy your Friend?

 **Buddha:** I mean yeah but we don't wanna get killed too

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Personally I don't really care anyways

 **Tired of my team's shit:** It's not like it would be a great loss or anything. He's basically Tanaka but completely unable to talk to women instead of just bad at it

 **Rolling thunder into your heart:** What Chikara's trying to say is that he's not worth risking anything with Shouhei

 **Smol kitten:** I- wow. That's my dad you're talking about

**Constantly on catnip:**

**Constantly on catnip:** I always thought Nekoma was the worst but Karasuno ain't much better is it?

 **Sugar mummy:** Lol no

 **Anxious cinnamon roll:** Wait weren't Yamamoto and Fukunaga supposed to get married next week

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Shit u Right

 **Constantly on catnip:** Sooooo we might have a problem-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah KageHinaYachi
> 
> Also AroaAce Kiyoko whose best friends with Asahi is one of my favorite headcanons-


	5. Team parents an- oh yeah Tora‘s not dead, that’s cool I guess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team parents!  
> (Yes Iwaizumi is a single parent, the day Oikawa becomes team dad is the day Kunimi and Kyoutani commit liven‘t and ya‘ll know that)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, Misaki Hana (Johzenji‘s Manager) is Johzenji‘s team mum now. I don’t make the rules.   
> I mean, I always thought of her as Team big sis but this works-

_**13:33 / 1:33pm** _   
**Nobody leaves**

**Anxious cinnamon roll:** Soooo

 **Anxious cinnamon roll:** Is Yamamoto still alive...?

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Barely

 **Buddha:** BRO YOU'RE NOT DEAD OMG

 **An average person:** He lives!

 **Constantly on catnip:** Am I the only one who is genuinely surprised by that

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Nah I'm shocked too

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** He brought me white chocolate

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Can't really be mad now :/

 **Tired of my team's shit:** Ah of course, Shouhei's weakness. White fucking chocolate

 **Dog:** Fukunaga really likes white chocolate that much???

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** apparently

 **Naruto:** I personally really don't like white chocolate, it's too sweet

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** THATS LITERALLY THE BEST PART YOU HEATHEN

 **Smol kitten:** How about we talk about something else-

 **Sugar mummy:** Yeah the party/wedding thing for example-

 **Constantly on catnip:** Oh yeah we have a time and place now. Ima send it into the team parent chat-

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** you have a team parent chat?

 **Grumpy cat:** Yeah it's all the team mums and dads whose number Suga has (in other words all the captains and that one mum friend)

 **Sugar mummy:** oh btw I finally convinced Semi to let me add him so yeah the Shiratorizawa parents are joining later-

 **Swageyama Tobiyolo:** Look I don't Wanna be rude but-

 **Swageyama Tobiyolo:** Oikawa as a team Dad??? I feel sorry for Kunimi and Kindaichi

 **Tsukki's stars:** kaGEYAMA

 **Yama's moon:** I hate to say it but he HAS a point

 **Constantly on catnip:** lol yeah Oikawa's Not included

 **D(e)adchi:** Yeah Iwaizumi is a single parent

 **An average person:** well apparently that's Seijoh tradition

 **Your lord and savior:** w h a t

 **Rolling thunder into your heart:** well Yahaba is gonna be the next captain and he's just Oikawa but he's actually mean to Kyoutani (who is just Iwaizumi but more angsty)

 **Rolling thunder into your heart:** and yeah Watari says that Yahaba would be Team mum if anything, but that would still be horrible so Kyoutani's gonna be a single dad too

 **Naruto:** Their previous captain was incapable of being a team parent too apparently

 **Naruto:** So yeah Seijoh Tradition

 **Tired of my team's shit:** It's a shame that Watari has no authority over his Kouhai whatsoever. Aside from that he'd make a good team mum, but alas that makes it impossible...

 **Buddha:** Well Karasuno is definitely gonna be in good hands- I saw you talk Noya to sleep

 **Grumpy cat:** talk Noya to sleep? Impressive

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Who would be Team dad tho? Tanaka???

 **Tsukki's stars:** Yeah

 **Anxious cinnamon roll:** Yea

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** Ye

 **Swageyama Tobiyolo:** Y

 **Buddha:** I feel loved

 **Meow:** I'm honestly a little concerned about Nekoma-

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Tora and Fukunaga Are already in the whole parent role wdym

 **Smol kitten:** Yeah they're good parents!

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** I too, feel very loved

 **Meow:** I know I know! I'm just worried that Yamamoto is gonna keep getting into fights, but I guess Fukunaga and Teshiro are pretty good at calming him down...

 **Manenineko-neko-nii:** Wait wait wait wait

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Are you implying that _I'm_ gonna be Team mum when Yaku leaves?

 **Longcat:** uhhh yes...?

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** who else? _Kenma?_

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** I dunno? Shibayama? He's already more responsible than me?

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** But I'll still be a second year

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** _Akaashi???_

**Smol kitten:** but you make a good mum?

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Seriously?

 **Tired of my team's shit:** Obviously- are you really that stupid?

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** ^

 **Rolling thunder into your heart:** ^^

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** ^^^

 **Buddha:** ^^^^

 **Smol kitten:** ^^^^^

 **Grumpy cat:** ^^^^^^

 **Your lord and savior:** ^^^^^^^

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** ^^^^^^^^

 **Longcat:** ^^^^^^^^^

 **Constantly on catnip:** ^^^^^^^^^^

 **Sugar mummy:** ^^^^^^^^^^^

 **Anxious cinnamon roll:** ^^^^^^^^^^^^

 **Tsukki's stars:** ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 **D(e)adchi:** ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 **Meow** : ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 **Dog:** ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** OH MY GOD I GET IT

 **Constantly on catnip:** great now that that's settled i can return to my captain duties

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Are you making cardboard cutouts of our team...?

 **Constantly on catnip:** _Yesn't_

_**13:52/ 1:52pm** _   
**Teen parents with way too many kids**

**Sugar mummy added Gay farmer boi and Team mum but I admit I pick favorites**

**Sugar mummy:** okay now that Shiratorizawa is here Kuroo can give us dem Details

 **Constantly on catnip:** Okay so the party/wedding thing is one exactly one week at two we rented a place where all of our teams should fit lol

 **Bokuto's personal babysitter:** I'm still very scared of what's going to happen

 **Thiccccc:** Come ooooon what's the worst thing that could happennnnn?????!

 **Bokuto's personal babysitter:** I can think of a lot of things Bokuto-san but I won't even bother-

 **D(e)adchi:** Is no one gonna talk about Semi's and Ushijima's names???

 **Grumpy cat:** THANK YOU I thought I was the only one

 **Single parent:** I thought Ushijima would be "Ushiwaka" or some shit like that

 **Gay farmer boi:** Tendou picked it for me.

 **Single parent:** Aaaaaand that explains it

 **Gay farmer boi:** Is Oikawa not in this?

 **Single parent:** No I'm a single parent

 **Gay farmer boi:** Ah.

 **Resident playboy:** Can we talk about Semi tho (it's Semi right?)

 **Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** yeah it's Semi. And what about my name? :)

 **Monimum:** You're Breaking Mulm rules! You can _have_ a favorite but nobody can _know_

 **Thiccccc:** Ya'll have rules...?

 **D(e)adchi:** We'd probably have rules too if you, Terushima and Kuroo didn't qualify for Team dad tbh

 **Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** Excuse me? Literally all of you mums are dating someone on your teams! Aren't those obviously your favorites? That way everyone on your team knows even if you don't say it!

 **Ima spank you:** Okay excuse me? I'm not dating anybody on my team? I have standards

 **Resident playboy:** ouch

 **Monimum:** I'm single just like Hana

 **Sugar mummy:** I am literally dating the team dad so I'm fine

 **Bokuto's personal babysitter:** Same here

 **Single parent:** I'm (unfortunately) dating Oikawa, who's captain and therefore supposed to be the team dad, so I'm fine too

 **Constantly on catnip:** Yaku ain't dating me tho

 **Grumpy cat:** Yeah no ew

 **Grumpy cat:** I may be dating Lev but he isn't my favorite and I'm pretty sure everyone knows that

 **Constantly on catnip:** Is your favorite Shibayama?

 **Grumpy cat:** Obviously- what did ya think?

 **Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** I thought we're not supposed to say that!

 **Sugar mummy:** But Kuroo is the dad so it's fine if he knows

 **Ima spank you:** Also even if his team knows who his favorite is, he's fine as long as he doesn't admit it

 **Gay farmer boi:** That doesn't seem like good parenting to me. You should love all your children equally.

 **Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** But it's Tsutomu! How can he not be my favorite??? Especially with people like Shirabu and Tendou!

 **Gay farmer boi:** Have you forgotten that Tendou and I are in a romantic relationship?

 **Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** No I haven't and my argument still stands by the way. _It's Tsutomo_

 **Gay farmer boi:** ...I'll allow it.

 **Resident playboy:** Am I the only one who's seriously disturbed that Ushiwaka uses proper punctuation?

 **Constantly on catnip:** Thank GOD I'm not the only who noticed-

 **Grumpy cat:** Okay but like who's this "Tsutomu" kid and what's so great about him that the ever so righteous Ushiwaka allows favoritism

 **Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** Goshiki Tsutomu. The only first year in the starting line up. He's gonna be the ace when Ushijima graduates and he's very innocent and precious. _He's baby._ I'll protect him with my life

 **Gay farmer boi:** Although I do not understand why Semi refers to Goshiki as a baby, as he is a first year in Highschool already, I agree that Goshiki is very "precious". I too, adore him and would be very willing to risk my life for him.

 **Gay farmer boi:** He is also very dedicated to volleyball and a fast learner. Shiratorizawa will be in Good hands with him as ace, as he is very talented.

 **Gay farmer boi:** I am also relatively sure that Goshiki does not fully understand sexual intercourse. That is what you would consider "innocent" correct?

 **Sugar mummy:** Oooooo the one with the amazing straights! Hinata told me that he made friends with him at the training camp!

 **Sugar mummy:** He says that Goshiki is kind of a Tsundere because he doesn't wanna admit how much he looks up to Ushijima

 **Grumpy cat:** From your descriptions he definitely seems very cute I can understand why you favor him-

 **Resident playboy:** That has me thinking...do all Team mums secretly have a favorite child...?

 **Ima spank you:** yeah lol

 **Thiccccc:** Tell us!

 **Bokuto's personal babysitter:** Bokuto-san we're not supposed to tell you

 **Constantly on catnip:** But this is a parent only space right? So it wouldn't hurt

 **D(e)adchi:** I hate to agree with those two but I'm curious

 **Moniwa:** How about this, the team dads can guess and we'll answer with yes or no

 **Gay farmer boi:** Well, it has already been established that Yaku's favorite is Shibayama and Semi's favorite is Goshiki right?

 **Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** Yep

 **Grumpy cat:** That's right

 **Constantly on catnip:** Well then...Suga's favorite has to be your first year manger right? Yachi?

 **Thiccccc:** I was gonna say Tsukki's boyfriend-

 **D(e)adchi:** It's both

 **Sugar mummy:** Yeah it's both- _Not that I don't love the others_...it's just...yeah

 **Single parent:** Is Moniwa's favorite your new setter?

 **Resident playboy:** Shit he can answer _and_ ask questions can't he

 **Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** The power this man holds

 **Monimum:** Lol yeah Kogane is my favorite. Sakunami is a close second tho

 **Sugar mummy:** Hinata told me about him too! He seems very sweet (Tsukishima doesn't really like him, but it's Tsukishima-)

 **Monimum:** Yes he is very sweet and dorky and no one can be mad at him for more than two minutes

 **Resident playboy:** Well...I know Hana's favorite. It's kinda obvious

 **Ima spank you:** You do?

 **Resident playboy:** Runa-chan...?

 **Ima spank you:** You do

 **Constantly on catnip:** Who's left now

 **Gay farmer boi:** Iwaizumi is still left.

 **D(e)adchi:** It's either the Libero or the dog guy

 **Sugar mummy:** Well it's definitely not the Kunimi kid-

 **Single parent:** How do you know that?

 **Sugar mummy:** Tsukishima likes him

 **Thiccccc:** I-

 **D(e)adchi:** He's also in a group chat with Kageyama and Kindaichi? Was that his name?

 **Sugar mummy:** Yeah they made up and aren't mad about the whole junior high thing anymore and now they're always texting and Kageyama says that Kunimi is very sassy

 **Sugar mummy:** So yeah, the sassy ones usually aren't the favorites

 **Single parent:** Watari is my favorite- Kentarou is gonna be the next single dad after me tho so he's definitely highly appreciated

 **D(e)adchi:** Being right feels good lol

 **Single parent:** and I already know that Kunimi is gonna be after him, Kindaichi just won't be capable of the whole parental authority thing- he would make a good captain tho

 **Bokuto's personal babysitter:** Is being a single team parent like a Seijoh tradition or something?

 **Constantly on catnip:** I-

 **Sugar mummy:** Woah

 **Grumpy cat:** At least we know the second years weren't wrong lol

 **Single parent:** Yeah it's tradition. Our previous vice-captain was a single parent... and the Libero before him was too

 **D(e)adchi:** That seems like a lot of work...

 **Monimum:** I'm crying I feel so sorry for Seijoh-

 **Grumpy cat:** Don't just feel sorry for Seijoh

 **Constantly on catnip:** Yeah, _some of us_ are just as incapable of parental authority as Oikawa and are only considered Team dads because they manage to cheer up and/or encourage the team when they're down and make stupid dad jokes

 **Gay famer boi:** That must make the "Team mum's" job even harder.

 **Sugar mummy:** Yeah the whole point is that it does-

 **Thiccccc:** Wait who are those dads???

 **Resident playboy:** Yeah I was wondering the same thing

**Bokuto's personal babysitter:**

**Ima spank you:**

**Single parent:** Who's gonna Tell em

 **Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** Are they really _that_ stupid? I've met Terushima and I hoped he was more self aware

 **Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** and I mean I only know Bokuto's name because he's Fukurodani's ace and in the top 5 or whatever but I can already tell just by looking at his boyfriend's name

 **Resident playboy:** wAIT are you saying it's us???

 **Thiccccc:** Is that true Akaashi???

 **Bokuto's personal babysitter:** Bokuto I want you to read my username and think about it really hard. Then answer that question yourself

 **Grumpy cat:** DAAAAAM HE DROPPED THE SAN

 **Gay farmer boi:** Oh yes I was beginning to wonder about that. Most group chats I've been added to have a rule that forbids honorifics other than the occasional chan.

 **Sugar mummy:** It's not really a rule here, we just all agree not do it

 **Bokuto's personal babysitter:** He just entered emo Mode again I'm sorry, I'm going to calm him down now

 **Grumpy cat:** Good luck!

 **D(e)adchi:** sometimes it's hard to believe that Bokuto is supposed to be his senpai...

 **Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** _Wait what_

 **Ima spank you:** Oh yeah, Akaashi's a second year

 **Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** That poor soul- I have like, so much respect for him already. Two years of being a teen mum of at least six kids? Sheesh

 **Gay farmer boi:** Doesn't that explain why he uses honorifics even in the chat? I mean, maybe he feels like he should be more respectful because almost everyone else here is a third year?

 **Monimum:** I mean... Akaashi only really does it with Bokuto for some reason

 **Constantly on catnip:** Oh no that's definitely not it. He doesn't care if you're older than him he's gonna disrespect you regardless of that

 **Resident playboy:** How do _you_ know?

 **Constantly on catnip:** He calls me pain-in-the-ass-Kuroo-San

 **Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** I- WHEEZE

 **D(e)adchi:** I dunno, sounds fitting to me

**Gay farmer boi:**

**Gay farmer boi:** I just noticed something.

 **Ima spank you:** what?

 **Gay farmer boi:** Who is "Brick wall" and why haven't they wrote a single message despite being online this whole time?

 **Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** _Oh shit u right_

 **Monimum:** Oh that's just Aone.

 **Sugar mummy:** Wait weren't you confused as to why Moniwa was the only one from Datekou here? We've already established that Iwaizumi is the only single parent

 **Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** Not gonna lie I didn't notice-

 **Gay farmer boi:** He is the middle blocker with the white hair and exceptional read blocking skills, is that correct?

 **Monimum:** Yep thaaaaat's him. He's just not very talkative and doesn't really like texting either

 **Monimum:** Say hi Aone

 **Brick wall:** (^O^)／

 **Monimum:** Words Takanobu

 **Brick wall:** :c

 **Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** I- look I know that he's the scary looking dude or whatever but that was lowkey kinda cute and if he wasn't apparently team dad I'd adopt him right now even if that meant kidnapping-

 **Grumpy cat:** THANK YOU! Someone understands

 **Monimum:** Ignore that and say hi

**Brick wall:**

**Brick wall:** Yeet

 **Sugar mummy:** Was this the first fucking time he typed anything that wasn't "^" or a kaomoji and it was _yeet_?

 **D(e)adchi:** Y e p

 **Brick wall:** Yeah, hi

 **Monimum:** _Finally_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just reread this and I noticed that Oikawa is mentioned a lot but never actually in this fic and I don’t know why I find that so funny but yeah
> 
> He’s definitely gonna be in the wedding/party chapter tho
> 
> Fun fact: Aone‘s official "current concern" is that nobody sits near him in the train. Probably cause they all think he looks scary Which is bull shit because Aone is precious 😔


	6. The tale of the warrior egg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized that there’s literally no way of knowing who’s who with the meme team so I just wanna say that Never gonna give you up is Matsun and never gonna let you down is Makki-

_**16:22 / 4:22pm** _  
**The flat king's domain**

**Creampuff of your nightmares:** You know what I just realized?

 **Turnips don't get proper names:** what?

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** We're gonna have to change this chat's name once Oikawa graduates

**Seijoh's last hope at sanity:**

**Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** oh shit u right

 **Never gonna give you up:** u got any ideas...?

 **The maddest of dogs:** The land of creampuffs, dogs and warrior eggs

 **Never gonna let you down:** remind me why we haven't officially adopted Kyoutani yet babe-

 **Never gonna give you up:** no idea babe but we definitely should

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** _warrior egg I-_

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** Not sure if I should be offended or honored tbh

 **Turnips don't get proper names:** Kyoutani wins-

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** when did you start having good ideas?

 **The maddest of dogs:** dunno

 **Single parent:** Hanamaki n Matsukawa you haven't adopted him yet cause he's _my_ son

 **The maddest of dogs:** _Best day of my fucking life_

 **Single parent:** Also Kentarou how the fuck is Watari a warrior egg?

 **Pancakes are still cakes:** ...ya don't know...?

 **Single parent:** I don't know _what_

 **Pancakes are still cakes:** _oh no_

 **Pancakes are still cakes:** I'm not explaining this to him- one of you guys do it!

 **Turnips don't get proper names:** I'm not doing it either oh my gOD

 **Single parent:** Just tell me

 **The maddest of dogs:** pass

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** Same

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** uhm...

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** how do I say this

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** U know how you told us we're aloud to keep exactly one secret from you? This is the one I'm keeping-

 **Single parent:** ...

 **I hate everyone:** He got blackout drunk and attacked random people with eggs while yelling something about being the chosen one and leading the brave warrior eggs into battle

 **Single parent:** Thanks Akira

 **Single parent:** _wait w h a t_

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** KUNIMI

 **I hate everyone:** sorry not sorry

 **Single parent:** WATARI SHINJI 

**Never gonna give you up:** haha rip

 **Never gonna let you down:** T'was nice knowing you Watari

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** I'M SORRY

 **Single parent:** I HAD _FAITH_ IN YOU

 **Never gonna let you down:** This is it. Seijoh will never have a single sane member

 **Turnips don't get proper names:** To be fair, he was pretty fucking drunk

 **Single parent:** How did you even get drunk? _You're underage for fucks sake-_ AND WHY DID EVERYONE BUT ME KNOW ABOUT THIS

 **I hate everyone:** Yahaba filmed it and sent it to all of us except you.

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** Yeah we knew you'd get mad and STOP BEING A FUCKING SNITCH KUNIMI

**I hate everyone:**

**I hate everyone:** Kyoutani was also there and didn't bother doing anything, but like he was in the videos laughing his ass of

 **The maddest of dogs:** What have I ever done to you Kunimi???

 **Single parent:** Okay yeah I'm disappointed in all three of you but why didn't anybody else tell me

 **Never gonna give you up:** We all kinda thought that you knew and decided not to talk about it...? Cause, u know everyone else got the vids

 **Pancakes are still cakes:** But I mean, makes sense not to send something like that to your parental figure so we should've probably guessed that you didn't know lol

 **Single parent:** Second years, what do you have to say in your defense

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** Absolutely nothing

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** Yeah we kinda fucked up

 **The maddest of dogs:** I regret nothing tho

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** lol yeah that was the funniest shit I've seen Shinji do-

 **Single parent:** You're running extra laps for that all three of you

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** Isn't Oikawa captain?

 **Single parent:** _Any objections Shittykawa?_

 **Pancakes are still cakes:** I'd prefer to live so n o p e

 **Single parent:** You still haven't answered my other question

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** u mean how he got drunk in the first place?

 **Single parent:** yes

 **The maddest of dogs:** Yeah about that-

 **Never gonna give you up:** That's a good question actually- you never told us

 **Turnips don't get proper names:** Oh yeah...None of you look like you're 20 so there's no way that you could buy alcohol without being asked for your ID

 **Single parent:** pls don't tell me u used a fake ID or something

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** WE DIDN'T

 **Pancakes are still cakes:** Then how'd you get him drunk? Did you steal it???

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** no

 **Never gonna let you down:** Look guys if you just come clean now then Iwaizumi's gonna be a lot less mad

**Seijoh's last hope at sanity:**

**Creampuff of your nightmares:**

**The maddest of dogs:** Okay so I _may_ have illegally purchased alcohol- but I didn't _mean_ too it was an accident

**I hate everyone:**

**I hate everyone:** how do you accidentally _break the fucking law_

 **The maddest of dogs:** Okay so the three of us were having a sleepover and shit and then Shigeru was being a bitch cause we didn't have enough snacks or something

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** excuse me?

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** He's not wrong

 **The maddest of dogs:** So I, being the amazing boyfriend that I am ran to the store to get more and this cashier lady is fucking stoned

 **Turnips don't get proper names:** are you serious

 **The maddest of dogs:** yeah

 **The maddest of dogs:** and she just...takes this bottle of fucking vodka and rings it up and like, y'all know that I'm too socially awkward to do anything against it

 **Pancakes are still cakes:** I hate how I 100% believe that. Kyouken-Chan Just is too fucking bad with people

 **The maddest of dogs:** so yeah that's basically what happened

 **Single parent:** only basically. I get why you _had_ it but that doesn't mean you gotta _drink_ it

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** do we have to say it

 **Single parent:** uhm...yes???

 **Never gonna let you down:** well it's gotta be pretty fucking embarrassing if Yahaba out of all people doesn't want to admit it

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** well Kentarou just kinda left the bottle on the table and we didn't touch it at first but after an hour or so...uhmmmm

 **Never gonna give you up:** go ahead, continue

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** Kentarou and Shigeru kinda...uhm got a little _steamy_? Next to me? On the other couch?

**Pancakes are still cakes:**

**Pancakes are still cakes:** _Are you saying they fucked_

 **The maddest of dogs:** WE DID NOT

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** Look, I have very Little shame but Not even I would do that

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** Okay no,  
bad phrasing! they just kinda- made out. But my Asexual ass was already uncomfortable with that

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** and I was like "What do I have to do so you stop?" and Shigeru pointed at the vodka and was like "down all of that and this shouldn't bother you anymore"

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** IT WAS A FUCKING JOKE AND I ASSUMED YOU WOULD GET IT-

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** I KNOW THAT NOW!

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** BUT LIKE YOU KNOW THAT I TAKE JOKES LIKE THAT SERIOUS! WHY DIDN'T YOU THINK ABOUT THAT

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** OH I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE BECAUSE I WAS CURRENTLY BEING PINNED DOWN AND BARELY CAPABLE OF FORMING PROPER SENTENCES

 **Never gonna let you down:** K i n k y

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** I HAD MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO THINK ABOUT

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** WELL IT AINT MY FAULT THAT UR HORNY

 **Never gonna give you up:** Woulda never thought that I'd see Yahaba and Watari fighting over stuff like this but here we are

 **Turnips don't get proper names:** Can we please end this discussion here

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** AT LEAST I DIDN'T GET DRUNK AN THROW EGGS AT PEOPLE! YOU DO REALIZE THAT DRINKING THAT WHOLE BOTTLE IN ONE GO SHOULD'VE KILLED YOU RIGHT

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** SHUT UP I'M NOT LETTING YOU AND YOUR DADDY KINK LECTURE ME

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** STOP KINK SHAMING ME WILL YOU

 **Pancakes are still cakes:** _Yahaba has a daddy kink I-_

 **I hate everyone:** Hahaha don't mind me I'm Just gonna go and bleach my eyes-

 **The maddest of dogs:** pls stop

 **Single parent:** I've seen enough

 **Single parent:** I'm not only kinda sorta disturbed but also very disappointed in all of you

 **The maddest of dogs:** It's my fault really

 **Single parent:** excuse me?

 **The maddest of dogs:** not only was I too scared to just say no to the stoned cashier lady and was then too stupid to put the vodka in a cabinet or something, I also forgot that horny Shigeru is kinda brain dead and didn't bother stopping Shinji from getting drunk cause I thought it was funny-

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** wait Nonononono we're all to blame

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** Yeah it's not just your fault, we were all stupid

 **Single parent:** they're right Kentarou

 **Single parent:** which is why all three of you are running extra laps and cleaning the gym tomorrow

_**16:32/ 4:32pm** _  
**Teen parents with way too many kids**

**Single parent:** *imagine this being screen shots*

 **Single parent:** I love and hate my team so much

 **Sugar mummy:** I-

 **Monimum:** oh my

 **D(e)adchi:** Is That your team's Chat?

 **Single parent:** Yep

**D(e)adchi:** _I am so sorry_

**Constantly on catnip:** IM WHEEZING OH MY GOD

 **Thiccccc:** WARRIOR EGG

 **Resident playboy:** WAIT WAIT WAIT WASN'T YAHABA THE RESERVE SETTER? YA KNOW THE INNOCENT AND NICE LOOKING GUY WITH CREAMPUFF HAIR

 **Single parent:** That's the one

 **Resident playboy:** WELP DEFINITELY DIDN'T TAKE HIM AS THE DADDY KINK TYPE BUT I CAN SEE IT

 **Ima spank you:** I have no words

 **Gay farmer boi:** That cashier should be fired.

 **Grumpy cat:** THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE WORRYING ABOUT?!

 **Gay farmer boi:** What else is there to be concerned about?

 **Grumpy cat:** oh I don't know maybe the fact that this Watari guy quite possible got the police called on him because he was attacking random people

 **Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** or maybe the fact that there's a high chance that Yahaba and whoever the dog guy is left their black out drunk friend unsupervised in order to have sex

 **Single parent:** uhm...ya know...both of you make good points that I didn't think about yet-

 **Bokuto's personal babysitter:** please make sure neither of that happened. if it did then they deserve more than just a few extra laps and cleaning duty

 **Single parent:** they're having another sleepover brb I'm running to kentarou's house rn

 **Sugar mummy:** I AM ACTUALLY CRYING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Partly based of real life events
> 
> Apparently you gotta be at least 20 to buy/drink alcohol in japan
> 
> And no Kunimi is not a snitch because he’s petty or anything he just likes seeing his teammates suffer :/
> 
> Also yeah apparently downing a whole bottle of Vodka in one go could kill you so don’t try that-


	7. It all comes together- let’s bully Yahaba

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This may be the biggest mistake yet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say that this chapter is entirely your fault ripetrash 
> 
> Oh and btw Falcon man is Hayato from Shiratorizawa cause that's literally what his name translates too and I thought it was funny, Old man vibes is Sasaya from Date Tech because his teammates tell him that he gives of old man vibes-

_**16:35 / 4:35pm** _   
**Seijoh's last hope at sanity created "Hornyhaba deserves no rights"**

**Seijoh's last hope at sanity added Bokuto's personal babysitter, Brick wall, Manekineko-neko-nii, Resident playboy, Shirabitch, and Tired of my team's shit**

**Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** I am actually begging you to add your teams

 **Bokuto's personal babysitter:** What. The. fuck.

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** Don't ask questions

**Seijoh's last hope at sanity added Creampuff of your nightmares, I hate everyone, Never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down, Pancakes are still cakes, Single parent, The maddest of dogs and Turnips don't get proper names**

**Creampuff of your nightmares:** What have I done to deserve this

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** Is that a serious question?

**Resident playboy added Ima spank you**

**Ima spank you:**

**Ima spank you:** _wheeeeeze_

 **Shirabitch:** _Hornyhaba I-_

 **Shirabitch:** No idea what the fuck this is but I agree and am willing to cooperate

**Shirabitch added Benkei, Falcon man, Gay farmer boi, Never gonna fill Tendou's shoes, Precious baby, Team mum but I admit I pick favorites and Tender Salami**

**Falcon man:** What the fuck

 **Gay farmer boi:** Is this because of the "egg warrior" incident?

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** y e s

 **The maddest of dogs:** wait how the fuck do you know and who even are you

 **Gay farmer boi:** I am Ushijima Wakatoshi. Iwaizumi sent screenshots into the "Team parent" chat.

 **Pancakes are still cakes:** oh hellllll naw fuck of Ushijima

 **Pancakes are still cakes:** wait- there's a team parent chat?

**Tired of my team's shit added An average person, Anxious cinnamon roll, Buddha, D(e)adchi, Goddess, Literal Ball of sunshine, Naruto, Rolling Thunder into your heart, Sugar mummy, Swageyama Tobiyolo, Tsukki's stars, Yama's moon and Your lord and savior**

**Tired of my team's shit:** This is a horrible mistake and I'm gonna regret it but yolo I guess

 **Yama's moon:** whomst the fuck

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** oh you know the horny creampuff guy with the daddy kink

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** please just stop

 **Sugar mummy:** should I love or hate this-

 **Buddha:** Yahaba has a daddy kink?

 **I hate everyone:** who's Yahaba? I only know Hornyhaba

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** _fuck me_

 **The maddest of dogs:** I mean like- sure if u wanna but they're definitely not gonna stop calling u that if u say shit like this

 **Your lord and savior:** Ya'll are going to hell

 **Rolling thunder into your heart:** well fuck, when he says that it's serious

 **Tender Salami:** Hell's actually pretty nice

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** yeah s pretty lit in there

 **Never gonna give you up:** did you just-

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** :)

 **Never gonna give you up:** Babe when we're taking over the world we're keeping this one alive

 **Never gonna let you down:** agreed, should we take him in? We could always use someone who makes bad puns when it's uncalled for

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** *her

 **Never gonna let you down:** shit sorry

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** s'fine

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** and I'll gladly join you in world domination if I can be the owner of all the male cats with stripes and yellow-ish fur in the world

 **Never gonna give you up:** weirdly specific but _sure_

 **Tired of my team's shit:** OH NO WATARI WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

 **Shirabitch:** those three in a chat are honestly not a good idea, especially because Tendou is also here

 **Resident playboy:** at least it can't get any worse than this-

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** hah _bet_

**Manekineko-neko-nii added Constantly on catnip, Dog, Everyone's favorite kitten, Fierce Tiger(cub), Grumpy cat, Longcat, Meow, Neko Atsume is a blessing and Smol kitten**

**Resident playboy:** :/

 **Ima spank you:** ye

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** nO why

 **Dog:** Hornyhaba...?

 **Grumpy cat:** does this have anything to do with the egg thing?

 **Turnips don't get proper names:** this has everything to do with the egg thing

 **Constantly on catnip:** I AM CRYING OH GOD

**Brick wall added Angry birds in rl, FukDaChoochie, Monimum, Sacutenami, The biggest appetite and Old man vibes**

**FukDaChoochie:** ...who did Yahaba piss of This time

 **Pancakes are still cakes:** *Hornyhaba

 **The biggest appetite:** I- what

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** This is it. I accept my fate

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** none of this would've happened if you'd been less horny, but now you have no rights anymore :/

 **Precious baby:** uhm...can I ask a question...?

 **Benkei:** go ahead Goshiki

 **Precious baby:** what does horny mean

**Seijoh's last hope at sanity:**

**Benkei:**

**Creampuff of your nightmares:**

**Grumpy cat:** shit u guys weren't kidding when you said he was a precious baby

 **FukDaChoochie:** I'm gonna tell em

 **Tender Salami:** DONT YOU DARE

 **Tender Salami:** IF YOU TAINT OUR TSUTOMU I WILL MAKE YOU REGRET IT

 **FukDaChoochie:** oh? What are ya gonna do? Guess that I'll have a horrible future?

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** ay Tendou want me to send you blackmail on him?

 **Tender Salami:** I- _yes_! Where have you been all my life holy shit

 **Precious baby:** can anybody answer my question...?

 **Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** Don't worry about that. It's unimportant

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** does...does Goshiki _really_ not know?

 **Yama's moon:** I mean, I bet that some people here are surprised you do

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** I am _older_ than you.

 **Yama's moon:** I didn't say _I_ was surprised. I'd dare say that a 15 year old guy should know what Horny means-

 **Angry birds in rl:** Goshiki doesn't know tho so be nice about it Tsukki

 **Tsukki's stars:** Don't Call him Tsukki you dumb fuck

 **Yama's moon:** don't Call me Tsukki you piece of shit

**Yama's moon:**

**Yama's moon:** marry me Tadashi

 **Tsukki's stars:** <3

 **Single parent:** Shinji why did you create this chat

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** bc Hornyhaba deserves no rights and I wanted to bully him

 **Single parent:** I-

 **Single parent:** I give up

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** hey wait- Akaashi add your team!

 **Bokuto's personal babysitter:** I don't want to add on anymore to this absolute hell hole

 **Bokuto's personal babysitter:** I'll add Bokuto that'll be bad enough

**Bokuto's personal babysitter added Thiccccc**

**Thiccccc:** HEY HEY HEY THIS CHATS NAME SEEMS FAMILIAR

 **Constantly on catnip:** the egg thing

 **Thiccccc:** aaaaaahh

 **Sacutenami:** hm...what about the Rest Of Johzenji?

 **Resident playboy:** oh I'm not aloud to add them

 **Anxious cinnamon roll:** what...?

 **Resident playboy:** Ennoshita made this rule that there can only ever be two Johzenji members in chats that Ennoshita is also in

 **Resident playboy:** and I already added Hana so...

 **Longcat:** What happens when you break that rule?

 **Resident playboy:** don't know and don't wanna know because 1. Ennoshita is fucking terrifying when they're mad 2. Tanaka and Nishinoya 3. Fukunaga and by extend Yamamoto So no thanks I ain't messing with that

 **Tired of my team's shit:** :)

 **Meow:** This actually not that bad. Now we have a chat with all the teams we're in contact with in it

 **Old man vibes:** I don't know, I feel like this chat is gonna wake me up at three in the morning because Aone said Yeet or something

 **Brick wall:** ...

 **The biggest appetite:** shit man u gave him ideas

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** Aone? I can't imagine him doing stuff like that

 **FukDaChoochie:** believe it or not Chibi-Chan, Aone is a hardcore memer

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** he's _what_

 **Swageyama Tobiyolo:** What comes next? Is he TikTok famous

 **Pancakes are still cakes:** Tobio-Chan you know what TikTok is?

 **Swageyama Tobiyolo:** OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT TIKTOK IS IM FRIENDS WITH HINATA

 **FukDaChoochie:** lol Aone's TikTok Account s private but he still knows all the cursed content there by heart

 **An average person:** god TikTok is the Most cursed thing ever

 **Turnips don't get proper names:** it's not that bad

 **Smol kitten:** I think he's talking about straight TikTok

 **Naruto:** is there a single thing more cursed than straight TikTok?

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** straight TikTok came like, straight out of hell

 **Tender Salami:** yeah, because Satan didn't want it either

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** does Satan want Hornyhaba?

 **The maddest of dogs:** is it time to stop the maddens yet?

 **Single parent:** no just let them be

 **Never gonna fill Tendou's shoes:** Oi! Hornyhaba

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** _What_

 **Never gonna fill Tendou's shoes:** What the fuck did you do

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** I don't Wanna talk about it

 **Never gonna give you up:** Basically, he was too horny

 **Goddess:** is that really the only explanation you'll give us

 **Never gonna let you down:** Yep

 **Thiccccc:** wait are all of you gonna be at the party thingy in Tokyo?

 **Constantly on catnip:** everyone here is invited, why?

 **Thiccccc:** send me a pic of Hornyhaba, I'll tell my team to only call him that no matter what he introduces himself as

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** I-

 **Yama's moon:** This may be the one good idea Bokuto had, ever

 **Bokuto's personal babysitter:** I can confirm, it's the only one

 **Sugar mummy:** Daichi

 **D(e)adchi:** Fine

 **Sugar mummy:** Okay so I hope Ya'll realize that we're doing that too now

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** did you just say that everyone's calling me Hornyhaba now

 **D(e)adchi:** yes

 **Your lord and savior:** Jesus approves

 **Rolling thunder into your heart:** you heard it guys- Guess Yahaba is no more, Hornyhaba is the only one I know

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** fuck you Shinji

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** no thanks I'm Asexual

 **Buddha:** ya srsly gotta stop being horny for once Hornyhaba smh

_**3:00 / 3:00am** _   
**Hornyhaba deserves no rights**

**Brick wall:** FOWARD 😳 MARCH ⭐️AND 💖 HERE✋ WE👥 GO ✅ MEMBERS 👤👤 OF 🎉THE 🤝 AGENCY 🧑🏼💻 BA-KU-GOU 💥 SOUND-✨ AUUGGHHH 🌝💨

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** Not what I was expecting, but maybe even better

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** really? All the things you could’ve done and you choose this?

 **Never gonna fill Tendou's shoes:** I think he wanted to do something none of us were expecting tbh

 **I hate everyone:** pls don't tell me any of you stayed up late / set an alarm early just to see what Aone would do

 **Never gonna fill Tendou's shoes:** nah I'm just an insomniac

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** I had a nightmare and woke up like ten minutes ago :c

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Shouhei called me like ten minutes ago cause she had nightmare and needed someone to call her down

 **Old man vibes:** AAAAAAAAAA

 **Brick wall:** thanks for that idea Sasaya-senpai

 **Old man vibes:** I'm gonna fucking kill you Aone you hear me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yeah I know that there are more Date Tech players and that I literally only have Bokuto and Akaashi from Fukurōdani but I don't think I can write the others because I legitimately have no idea who they are/how they act and also can't think names for em and don't get me started on Johzenji


	8. Consider this: Yaku in a maid dress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a mess- so am I tho so that’s fine
> 
> Time skip to that wedding party thing tho- so that’s nice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because it’s seriously getting a lot at this point...
> 
> Karasuno  
> -Literal Ball of Sunshine - Hinata Shouyo  
> -Swageyama Tobiyolo - Kageyama Tobio  
> -Anxious cinnamon roll - Yachi Hitoka  
> -Tsukki‘s stars - Yamaguchi Tadashi  
> -Yama‘s moon - Tsukishima Kei
> 
> -Tired of my team‘s shit - Ennoshita Chikara  
> -Rolling Thunder into your Heart -Nishinoya Yuu  
> -Buddha - Tanaka Ryuunosuke  
> -An average person - Kinoshita Hisashi  
> -Naruto - Narita Kazuhito 
> 
> -Sugar mummy -Sugawara Koushi  
> -D(e)adchi - Sawamura Daichi  
> -Your Lord and Saviour - Azumane Asahi 
> 
> Nekoma  
> -Dog -Inuoka Sou  
> -Longcat - Haiba Lev  
> -Everyone‘s favorite kitten -Shibayama Yuuki  
> -Smol kitten - Teshiro Tamahiko
> 
> -Fierce Tiger(cub) - Yamamoto Taketora  
> -Neko Atsume is a blessing - Kozume Kenma  
> -Manekineko-neko-nii - Fukunaga Shouhei
> 
> -Constantly on catnip - Kuroo Tetsurou  
> -Meow - Kai Noboyuki  
> -Grumpy cat - Yaku Morisuke
> 
> Seijoh  
> -Turnips don‘t get proper names - Kindaichi Yuutarou  
> -I hate everyone - Kunimi Akira
> 
> -Seijoh’s last hope at sanity - Watari Shinji  
> -Creampuff of your nightmares - Yahaba Shigeru  
> -The maddest of dogs - Kyoutani Kentarou
> 
> -Single parent - Single parent  
> -Pancakes are still cakes - Oikawa Tooru  
> -Never gonna give you up - Matsukawa Issei  
> -Never gonna let you down - Hanamaki Takahiro
> 
> Shiratorizawa  
> -Precious Baby - Goshiki Tsutomu 
> 
> -Never gonna fill Tendou‘s shoes - Kawanishi Taichi  
> -Shirabitch - Shirabu Kenjirou
> 
> -Tender Salami - Tendou Satori  
> -Gay Farmer boi - Ushijima Wakatoshi  
> -Benkei - Oohira Reon  
> -Falcon man - Yamagata Hayato  
> -Team Mum but I admit I pick favorites - Semi Eita
> 
> Johzenji  
> -Resident Playboy - Terushima Yuuji  
> -Ima spank you - Misaki Hana
> 
> Datekou  
> -Angry birds in rl - Koganegawa Kanji  
> -Sacutenami - Sakunami Kousuke
> 
> -FukDaChoochie - Futakuchi Kenji  
> -Brick wall - Aone Takanobu 
> 
> -The biggest appetite - Kamasaki Yasushi  
> -Monimum - Moniwa Kaname  
> -Old man vibes - Sasaya Takehito
> 
> Fukurodani  
> -Bokuto‘s personal babysitter - Akaashi Keiji  
> -Thiccccc - Bokuto Koutarou

_**15:38 / 3:38 pm** _  
**Hornyhaba deserves no rights**

**Constantly on catnip:** Fukurodani, Shiratorizawa, Johzenji and Date Tech Are here When are the other Miyagi teams arriving????

 **D(e)adchi:** We're almost there

 **Single parent:** same here, we just got off the train

 **Constantly on catnip:** Okay great

 **Bokuto's personal babysitter:** I regret this so much- Terushima and Bokuto already broke a table please make it s t o p

 **Turnips don't get proper names:** srsly? Already?

 **Meow:** are you honestly surprised? Because I sure am not

 **Ima spank you:** Holy shit who brought that giant ass cake-

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** CAKE?!

 **Smol kitten:** It _is_ a wedding isn't it? :)

 **Dog:** wait that was _you_

 **Smol kitten:** I helped but it was mainly mum n dad

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** it was mainly Tora tbh

 **Grumpy cat:** Yamamoto can bake? Like that???

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** oh yeah Tanaka taught me

 **FukDaChoochie:** Tanaka?!

 **The maddest of dogs:** do we know the same Tanaka or...?

 **Buddha:** fuck yeah I can bake, my cooking is better than my baking tho

 **An average person:** he really can! He let my try his stuff once and _holy shit I can't describe how jealous I am of Ennoshita_

 **Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** what does that have to do with Ennoshita?

 **Tired of my team's shit:** he makes me bentos

 **Thiccccc:** Damm he's a keeper

 **Anxious cinnamon roll:** Okay we just arrived and can we please talk about the fact that Fukunaga looks absolutely gorgeous in that dress-

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** <3

 **Tender Salami:** _she's right holy shit_

 **The biggest appetite:** fukunaga in a dress is making me question my sexuality I-

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** mission accomplished

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** woah there- back off old man we're engaged

 **The biggest appetite:** who are you calling old man

 **Monimum:** yeah that's Sasaya- I mean what

 **Old man vibes:** :c

 **Pancakes are still cakes:** the grande king... _has arrived!_

 **Swageyama Tobiyolo:** Nobody cares

 **Yama's moon:** that's nice how about you leave now

 **Pancakes are still cakes:** Karasuno's first years are such brats >:0

 **I hate everyone:** are you implying that I'm not a brat?

 **Pancakes are still cakes:** yeah okay you are too but Kindaichi makes up for it

 **Never gonna give you up:** pretty sure you called him a brat at practice the other day tho

 **Never gonna let you down:** I second that

 **Turnips don't get proper names:** yeah cause I said you were so flat it isn't even a pancake anymore

 **Pancakes are still cakes:** oh yeah you are a brat

 **Gay farmer boi:** the first years at Shiratorizawa aren't brats.

 **Tender Salami:** Yeah our Tsutomu is the best Kouhai ever!

 **Precious baby:** :)

 **Gay farmer boi:** Looks like you should've come to Shiratorizawa Oikawa.

 **Pancakes are still cakes:** ew

_**16:21 / 4:21pm** _  
**Hornyhaba deserves no rights**

**Tsukki's stars:** holy fucking shit

 **Sugar mummy:** YAMAGUCHI LANGUAGE

 **Tsukki's stars:** MUM YOU DONT UNDERSTAND I JUST FOUND SOMETHING CREEPY AS HECKSNBDKSBAÖDN

 **Angry birds in rl:** you saw them too? Thank god I'm not the only one who's creeped out

 **Neko Atsume is a blessing:** Are you Talking about the _giant_ cardboard cutouts of our team that Kuro for some reason put up? Because yeah those scare me too

 **Anxious cinnamon roll:** I'm crying why do these exist make them go away pls

 **Literal ball of sunshine:** I don't like them either-

 **Sacutenami:** What's so bad about some cutouts? I'll look at them

 **Naruto:** I was wondering the same thing tbh

 **Sacutenami:** _oh_ Yeah those are cursed and are going to give me nightmares

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** ???

 **Sacutenami:** they're like??? Really bad quality? Their faces look horrible and the only thing that looks remotely good are the eyes and bc of that it just looks like they're staring into your soul and I hate it

 **Monimum:** Kogane is crying bc of them I-

 **Constantly on catnip:** :) Sorry not sorry

 **Sugar mummy:** you made a child cry. _Shame on you_

 **D(e)adchi:** uhm...soooo help?

 **Single parent:** oh no what happened and are mine involved

 **D(e)adchi:** no but Kuroo's

 **Constantly on catnip:** shit what now and why isn't the mum helping?

 **D(e)adchi:** he's kinda...part of it...?

 **Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** I'm sorry _w h a t_

 **Bokuto's personal babysitter:** u Talking bout how Yaku and Yamamoto are about to kill each other? Because I sure as hell ain't getting involved with that

 **D(e)adchi:** ye

 **Constantly on catnip:** FUCK THOSE TWO ARE LITERALLY THE MOST PHYSICALLY VIOLENT I-

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** Just so you know Hornyhaba kinda got between them and Yaku chucked a chair at him- so be careful what you do

 **Anxious cinnamon roll:** is...is he okay?

 **Shirabitch:** he'll be fine. Probably. Kyoutani dragged Him away

 **The maddest of dogs:** Hornyhaba's good don't worry. Only bled a little, he's already back to normal

 **Rolling thunder into your heart:** normal meaning horny af?

 **The maddest of dogs:** yeah

 **Monimum:** god this was a bad idea

 **Your lord and savior:** god has left Ya'll a long time ago you know

 **Monimum:** I-

 **Monimum:** it hurts bc it's true...

 **Buddha:** DUDE WHERE WERE YOU

 **Your lord and savior:** r u taking about me or Yuu?

 **Buddha:** BOTH OF YOU! YOU JUST DISAPPEARED AND I SEARCHED FOR YOU EVERYWHERE

 **Never gonna fill Tendou's shoes:** they're dating right? Since they disappeared and reappeared together u can probably guess

 **Buddha:** EW NASTY WE'RE AT A WEDDING YA GAYS

 **Rolling thunder into your heart:** YOU THINK THAT'S GONNA STOP ME-  
Also as if you're not gay

 **Buddha:** I've only ever liked girls and people who aren't guys or girls tho. I've never liked a guy so you can't say I'm gay

 **Tired of my team's shit:** didn't you say you had a crush on Daichi in our first year?

 **Buddha:** hjkskskskdbdldbsodjsvbdbwndöxöw

 **Rolling thunder into your heart:** see? Gay

 **Buddha:** how dare? The _betrayal_

 **Goddess:** can we please go back to the whole "Yaku and Yamamoto are about to kill each other" thing?

 **Your lord and savior:** out of all the things _that's_ what you're most interested in?

 **Goddess:** :/

 **Smol kitten:** it's kinda funny actually, basically Yamamoto brought up a thing that had to do with Fukunaga's blackmail and Yaku _freaked_ now the two of em are fighting, loudly

 **Everyone's favorite kitten:** Hornyhaba told them to shut up and well...we all know he got attacked so yeah things are getting kinda heated?

 **Meow:** when you say blackmail do you mean the thing she threatened them with a few weeks ago? The picture of whatever happened on the date?

 **Smol kitten:** yep, won't go into detail tho

 **Dog:** wait

 **Dog:** I was there, Yaku said that Fukunaga looked nice in that dress and Yamamoto said that "yeah, Sho-Chan looks better in dresses than you" and Yaku freaked out and yelled at him to never bring that up again

 **Dog:** OH NO I HATE MYSELF FOR GETTING THAT-

 **An average person:** no. fucking. way.

 **Yama's moon:** I just pictured something I'd rather forget...but at the same time want to remember forever???

 **Thiccccc:** OH FUCK YEAH THEY'RE GETTING VIOLENT

 **Constantly on catnip:** IM CRYING WHAT IS THIS- WHY IS THIS HAPPENING

 **Constantly on catnip:** YAMAMOTO HAS ONLY GOTTEN INTO IN ACTUAL FIGHT TWICE IN HIGHSCHOOL AND ONE WAS WITH KENMA- YAKU USUALLY DOESN'T FIGHT KOUHAI I-

 **Resident playboy:** THEY'RE PULLING HAIR NOW SHIT WHAT ARE THEY? FIVE?

 **Sugar mummy:** SOMEONE STOP THEM

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** oh hell nah- Do it urself! I saw what they did to Hornyhaba

 **Precious baby:** the no eyebrows guy tried separating them but they're still going at it- I don't think stopping them is an option

 **FukDaChoochie:** if not even Aone works, then nothing works

 **Falcon man:** HOLY SHIT- Yaku threw another chair I'm crying

 **Bokuto's personal babysitter:** fuck this I'm getting as far away from those two as possible

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** need me to defuse the situation?

 **Constantly on catnip:** WHAT KIND OF SHIT QUESTION IS THAT JUST DO IT

 **Constantly on catnip:** DONT GET URSELF KILLED THO

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** pffff who do you think You're Talking to?

 **Ima spank you:** oh you gotta be kidding me

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** I- what

 **Naruto:** Okay how

 **Turnips don't get proper names:** just to make sure...we all just saw Fukunaga walk up to those two and just fucking _glare_ and the two of them immediately shutting up right? Because I honestly don't believe what I just saw

 **Tender Salami:** Yamamoto I understand _, I guess._ but how the fuck did that work on Yaku

 **Longcat:** WHAT THE FUCK YAKU WOULDN'T BACK DOWN IF _I_ DID THAT AND IM THE BOYFRIEND

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** foolish mortals. Don't underestimate my power

 **Tired of my team's shit:** I think Yaku's just scared of Shouhei's blackmail folder and that's a good decision tbh

 **Pancakes are still cakes:** ooooo Yaku-Chan you look pretty good in a maid dress

 **Grumpy cat:** EXCUSE ME WHAT

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** ur punishment for getting into that fight. Tora gets one too so don't worry

 **Grumpy cat:** I GET THAT BUT WHY DID YOU SEND IT TO HIM OUT OF ALL PEOPLE

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** I wrote everyone's names on lil papers and drew one :/

 **Buddha:** wait- THAT'S WHY IT TOOK YOU SO LONG TO COME N STOP THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** yeah? Obviously

 **Never gonna let you down:** good to see that you have your priorities straight-

 **Grumpy cat:** I hate you Fukunaga. _Hate_.

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** calm down, at least she's not gonna leave your porn collection on your mother's desk

 **Benkei:** excuse my language, bu _t what the actual fuck_

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** I accept my fate.

 **Fierce Tiger(cub):** Well not rlly but I can't do anything against it soooooo

 **Tender Salami:** remind me why I'm still unofficial Satan when Fukunaga does shit like this

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** bc I don't want people to expect me to do anything mean. I look pretty innocent.

 **Single parent:** this is gonna be a looooong night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so...the thing Fukunaga was blackmailing Yaku and Lev with in the second chapter? Yeah. That was the pic. 
> 
> There's a story behind it of course but why would I explain that directly instead of just throwing it into the story without context and explaining it in a later chapter which will make this overall more weird?


	9. Haha that one time Kai‘s pants went swoosh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I rlly just wrote this bc A, I needed a distraction in school and B the next chapter needed an explanation bc I honestly don’t rlly understand it myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Karasuno  
> -Literal Ball of Sunshine - Hinata Shouyo  
> -Swageyama Tobiyolo - Kageyama Tobio  
> -Anxious cinnamon roll - Yachi Hitoka  
> -Tsukki's stars - Yamaguchi Tadashi  
> -Yama's moon - Tsukishima Kei
> 
> -Tired of my team's shit - Ennoshita Chikara  
> -Rolling Thunder into your Heart -Nishinoya Yuu  
> -Buddha - Tanaka Ryuunosuke  
> -An average person - Kinoshita Hisashi  
> -Naruto - Narita Kazuhito
> 
> -Sugar mummy -Sugawara Koushi  
> -D(e)adchi - Sawamura Daichi  
> -Your Lord and Saviour - Azumane Asahi
> 
> Nekoma  
> -Dog -Inuoka Sou  
> -Longcat - Haiba Lev  
> -Everyone's favorite kitten -Shibayama Yuuki  
> -Smol kitten - Teshiro Tamahiko
> 
> -Fierce Tiger(cub) - Yamamoto Taketora  
> -Neko Atsume is a blessing - Kozume Kenma  
> -Manekineko-neko-nii - Fukunaga Shouhei
> 
> -Constantly on catnip - Kuroo Tetsurou  
> -Meow - Kai Noboyuki  
> -Grumpy cat - Yaku Morisuke
> 
> Seijoh  
> -Turnips don't get proper names - Kindaichi Yuutarou  
> -I hate everyone - Kunimi Akira
> 
> -Seijoh's last hope at sanity - Watari Shinji  
> -Creampuff of your nightmares - Yahaba Shigeru  
> -The maddest of dogs - Kyoutani Kentarou
> 
> -Single parent - Iwaizumi Hajime  
> -Pancakes are still cakes - Oikawa Tooru  
> -Never gonna give you up - Matsukawa Issei  
> -Never gonna let you down - Hanamaki Takahiro
> 
> Shiratorizawa  
> -Precious Baby - Goshiki Tsutomu
> 
> -Never gonna fill Tendou's shoes - Kawanishi Taichi  
> -Shirabitch - Shirabu Kenjirou
> 
> -Tender Salami - Tendou Satori  
> -Gay Farmer boi - Ushijima Wakatoshi  
> -Benkei - Oohira Reon  
> -Falcon man - Yamagata Hayato  
> -Team Mum but I admit I pick favorites - Semi Eita
> 
> Johzenji  
> -Resident Playboy - Terushima Yuuji  
> -Ima spank you - Misaki Hana
> 
> Datekou  
> -Angry birds in rl - Koganegawa Kanji  
> -Sacutenami - Sakunami Kousuke
> 
> -FukDaChoochie - Futakuchi Kenji  
> -Brick wall - Aone Takanobu
> 
> -The biggest appetite - Kamasaki Yasushi  
> -Monimum - Moniwa Kaname  
> -Old man vibes - Sasaya Takehito
> 
> Fukurodani  
> -Bokuto's personal babysitter - Akaashi Keiji  
> -Thiccccc - Bokuto Koutarou

_**17:00 / 5:00pm** _

** Hornyhaba deserves no rights **

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** _Holy fucking shit_

**Creampuff of your nightmares:** oh no what is it now Fukunaga?

**FukDaChoochie:** wait- that's not Fukunaga

**Sacutenami:** What

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** HOLY FUCKING SHIT

**Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** how is that not Fukunaga???

**FukDaChoochie:** SHE'S MAKING OUT WITH YAMAMOTO RIGHT NOW I SWEAR- THAT'S NOT FUKUNAGA

**An average person:** WHO THE FUCK IS THIS THEN

**Manenineko-neko-nii:** IM ENNOSHITA I STOLE SHOUHEI'S PHONE

**Dog:** you did WHAT

**Buddha:** Babe You're Gonna die

**Never gonna let you down:** t'was nice knowing you I guess

**Everyone's favorite kitten:** rip

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** calm down I'm not gonna die- I hope

**Constantly on catnip:** GUYS DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS MEANS- SHE HAS HER BLACKMAIL ON THAT PHONE

**Sugar mummy:** wait _w h a t_

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** YEAH THAT IS WHY I WAS FREAKING OUT IN THE FIRST PLACE

**Rolling thunder into your heart:** SPILL SPILL SPILL

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** DUDE NO IM ACTUALLY GONNA DIE IF I DO THAT SHE STILL NEEDS THAT

**Resident playboy:** please tell me she doesn't still have those nudes Futakuchi and I once sent

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** lol she does

**Neko Atsume is a blessing:** why am I not surprised???

**Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** wait. You don't have to say _what_ exactly the blackmail is but does she really have some on everyone??? Because I like, can't imagine her having any on me since we've never met???

**Ima spank you:** good point actually

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** there is some on almost everyone. But there's more on everyone from Nekoma, Fukurodani and Karasuno. The only save ones are Sasaya, Ohira and Misaki tho

**Old man vibes:** oh thank god-

**Ima spank you:** WAIT SRSLY THAT'S GREAT

**Benkei:** I am pleasantly surprised

**Falcon man:** it's probably because you've never done a single embarrassing thing in your life tbh

**Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** how did she even get any on me???

**Naruto:** Probably Kawanishi and Shirabu

**Shirabitch:** yeah lol

**Never gonna fill Tendou's shoes:** sorry not sorry

**Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** well shit :/

**Monimum:** I'm kinda concerned tbh

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** I'm going to hell for seeing some of the stuff on here I swear

**Bokuto's personal babysitter:** I'll pray for you

**Your lord and savior:** won't do much but go ahead

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** oh- _oh_

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** I gotta say, Yamamoto has some nice angles. He knows his shit

**Creampuff of your nightmares:** ew

**The maddest of dogs:** You don't get to judge Hornyhaba

**Buddha:** EXCUSE ME WHAT

**Precious baby:** angles???

**Tender Salami:** you don't have to know Tsutomu

**Buddha:** CHIKARA DONT LOOK AT THOSE

**Rolling thunder into your heart:** r u protecting our bro's honor or do u just not want Chikara to look at em bc jealousy I honestly can't tell

**Buddha:** no comment

**Anxious cinnamon roll:** does angles imply...?

**Goddes:** yes

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** one of these note thingies is labeled "haha Kai's pants go swoosh" ...do I want to know...?

**Grumpy cat:** HAHAHAHAH I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT

**Constantly on catnip:** HOW COULD YOU FORGET IT WAS LITERALLY THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED LAST YEAR

**Neko Atsume is a blessing:** I gotta agree, that was the only day I was actually glad I went to school ever

**Thiccccc:** What the shit does pants Go swoosh even mean-

**Monimum:** I'm almost afraid to ask but...what happened

**Meow:** NO

**Constantly on catnip:** sorry my dude, we all swore secrecy

**Fierce Tiger(cub):** all except Shouhei at least lol

**Tsukki's stars:** okay but like...Ennoshita knows too now right?

**Meow:** _NO_

**The maddest of dogs:** WAIT SHIT YAMAMOTO! THIS MEANS FUKUNAGA ISNT DISTRACTED ANYMORE

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** hjkskskskdbbsmdpsbqpynwvsosn

**Buddha:** MY LOVE NO

**Yama's moon:** haha rip

**Longcat:** Ya'll better be praying for their life

**Literal ball of sunshine:** ENNOSHITA ARE YOU OKAY

**Swageyama Tobiyolo:** they're probably dead tbh

**Literal ball of sunshine:** Noooooooo :c

**Anxious cinnamon roll:** Kageyama you scared Hinata!

**Swageyama Tobiyolo:** Just yesterday you told me not to lie to him!

**D(e)adchi:** Kuroo if one of yours killed one of mine _especially the future team mum then I'm declaring war_

**Constantly on catnip:** oh shit

**Tired of my team's shit:** OH SHIT WADDUP

**Turnips don't get proper names:** They live! :D

**Dog:** _how_

**Tired of my team's shit:** I begged

**Never gonna give you up:** since when does begging work-

**Smol kitten:** it works when dad or I do it-

**Neko Atsume is a blessing:** works for me too-

**Fierce Tiger(cub):** it's called favoritism bitches

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** >:c

**Tired of my team's shit:** I'm sorry

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** you're not

**Tired of my team's shit:** I'm not

**I hate everyone:** so Fukunaga, wanna tell us about that pants incident?

**Meow:** hjskskskskkskssbsnaöypjwbfbshnwbwoxosnwvfulsbqhfingbwhqolnbfhjriwpqöamdnfvveskls

**Everyone's favorite kitten:** dude are you okay?

**Meow:** don't you fucking dare Fukunaga

**Meow:** that was a traumatic experience in my life

**Tired of my team's shit:** okay but I honestly think it was funny-

**Smol kitten:** WAIT- THIS IS THE THING THAT HAPPENED LAST YEAR THAT YOU DONT WANT US TO KNOW ISNT IT-

**Meow:** nO-

**Dog:** Nonono- it totally is!!

**Everyone's favorite kitten:** yeah ur onto something here Teshiro

**Longcat:** TELL US! TELL US!

**Pancakes are still cakes:** come on come come on come on- I wanna know too >_<

**Turnips don't get proper names:** this is our captain people

**Pancakes are still cakes:** brat

**Single parent:** hey there, he's speaking the truth

**Bokuto's personal babysitter:** I'll be completely honest here, I want to know.

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** okay so basically this stupid bitch forgot to wear his belt after gym class and his pants fell down when he was walking anda lot of shit happened

**Shirabitch:** oh wait this actually sounds lowkey interesting

**Meow:** FUKUNAGA ISTG

**Angry birds in rl:** something similar happened to me too once, but I just forgot to put pants on in the morning. Luckily My neighbor reminded me tho

**An average person:** you forgot to what

**Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** GUYS YOU'RE GETTING DISTRACTED

**Tender Salami:** YES BACK TO THE STORY

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** his classmates thought It would be a good idea not to tell him and Kai doesn't notice, so at this point he's walking through the whole school while everyone sees his underwear and everyone sees

**Creampuff of your nightmares:** I-

**Gay Farmer boi:** I see how that could be rather embarrassing

**Constantly on catnip:** OH IT GETS WORSE

**Neko Atsume is a blessing:** the very Memory makes me feel second hand embarrassment

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** everyone knows, everyone saw, like, the whole school was just looking and this bitch didn't realize anything was off until he goes to fucking class and a teacher tells him to pull his pants up

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** also he twerked at some point but that kinda feels like a fever dream like why the fuck would he-

**Brick wall:** pffffffft

**Literal ball of sunshine:** okay but like when you get Aone to laugh at you that must hurt

**Naruto:** I mean, I get why it's embarrassing but to make such a big deal of it?

**Meow:** I HATE YOU FUKUNAGA

**Meow:** and the Problem is that our first years are brats and have no respect for Their senpai whatsoever, except for me. Or well they used to cuz now they know I was a fucking idiot that one time and won't ever see me the same again

**Fierce Tiger(cub):** there's a high chance these lil shits won't listen to anyone unless threatened now tbh

**Longcat:** I won't listen to anybody unless threatened

**Thiccccc:** lol rip

**Tired of my team's shit:** THERE'S PICTURES

**Tsukki's stars:** wait what-

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** well yeah but I'm the only one in the whole school who was them

**Your lord and savior:** ...how is that possible...?

**Grumpy cat:** you didn't honestly think he would get away with that without being bullied about it for at least half a year under normal circumstances did you

**Fierce Tiger(cub):** haha yeah Shouhei and Yaku then proceeded to threaten literally everyone in the school. Yaku physically and Sho with all the blackmail she magically has

**Fierce Tiger(cub):** no one ever spoke of that again, until now lol

**Constantly on catnip:** it was kinda funny tho Kai

**D(e)adchi:** your whole team's a mess...

**Resident playboy:** ...urs isn't?

**The maddest of dogs:** honestly the only remotely sane team is Datekou and thanks to Kogane they really aren't anymore

**Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** I have never agreed with a sentence more

**Thiccccc:** I BROUGHT EGGS

**Constantly on catnip:** GREAT BRO!!

But like w h y

**I hate everyone:** yeah...y would u bring eggs

**Seijoh's last hope at sanity:**

**Single parent:** No.

**Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** but

**Single parent:** no buts

**Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** MY PEOPLE ARE CALLING FOR ME SENPAI- YOU DONT UNDERSTAND

**Single parent:** YOU CAN SHOVE YOUR PEOPLE UP YOUR ASS SHINJI- DONT DO IT

**Never gonna give you up:** wait is this actually happening- HES NOT EVEN DRUNK I-

**Never gonna let you down:** HAHAHA NO IDEA WHY THE FUCK HE THINKS THIS IS A GOOD IDEA BUT I LOVE IT

**Ima spank you:** WAIT- is Watari gonna do the egg thing again???

**Smol kitten:** just so u know Kai just because the topic changed doesn't mean you're forgotten. We're still so gonna bully you

**Meow:** well fuck, I had hope

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** I'm so proud of you son

**Dog:** mean little shit. And that all thanks to Fukunaga's and Yamamoto's influence...

**Thiccccc:** COME ON WATARI I GOT THEM JUST FOR YOU

**Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** WORRY NOT MY LITTLE EGGS, THE CHOSEN ONE WILL GUIDE YOUUUUUUUUU

**Turnips don't get proper names:** _god_ please no

**Your lord and savior:** god has left Ya'll on read. You're on your own now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished putting this chapter on Ao3 and am still writing chapter ten (not finishing it yet though, probably)
> 
> By the way, it’s eleven in the night and my stupid ass still has to write two pages for my German homework due tomorrow. Instead I did this.


	10. The return of the warrior eggs, also wedding :D

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Absolute disaster I couldn’t tell you what this is if I tried.
> 
> Egg warriors cause havoc (haha trigger happy havoc, dr brain go brrrrr) 
> 
> Also They finally get married  
> ALSO new engagement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some good old crack.
> 
> I tried to make the characters that people actually know to be more important, so people who still have a life aside from Haikyuu know who I'm talking about, but like- at the end I again focused on my beloved Nekoma rare pairs lol

Kenma had _not_ expected this.

Sure, he had known that this would be pure chaos and been prepared for a lot of things. But not _this_.

He had _not_ expected to be cowering behind a shelf in the far corner of a supply closet, hiding from the self proclaimed chosen one and his egg warriors.

It's not like the Watari guy was drunk, so Kenma didn't really understand why he would even do this. But he did. _And he wasn't the only one._

Bokuto, who had been the one to bring the eggs in the first place, had joined Watari. Of course, whenever Bokuto did something stupid Kuroo had to join in.  
Then there were Hanamaki and Matsukawa who decided that their Kouhai "couldn't have all the fun to himself" and the little devil with the name Tendou Satori thought so too.  
For some reason Tanaka had joined and because of that Nishinoya and Taketora immediately did too.

And to top it all of, Fukunaga, who everyone was too afraid to try and throw eggs at because of the "sacred blackmail folder", was sitting on one of the couches and filming _everything_.

Kenma was lucky that he had hid in the closet long before everything escalated. As soon as Bokuto had announced that he brought eggs really, and that was a good thing. He wouldn't have been able to escape otherwise, he was sure of it.

Suddenly the door to the closet opened and Kenma tried to make himself as small as possible. With his black hood over his head and breath held, there was no way they'd be able to find him.

"Ohh Kenma~" He Heard Kuroo's Voice. _That fucker_. He wouldn't be getting any kisses for the next _month_ if this continued on. "I saw you running in this direction earlier. I know you're here. Come on out already!" _Splash_. An egg that Kuroo had thrown splattered on the wall mere centimeters away from Kenma's head. Still, he didn't flinch and remained completely unmoving.

A few seconds passed and Kuroo turned around and left. The setter let out a sigh of relief. _Finally_.

Literally everyone else wasn't as safe as Kenma though.

The "egg warriors", as their leader Watari the chosen one called them, were causing havoc. Eggs were being thrown around everywhere.

Yaku, who was using his taller boyfriend as human shield, was already plotting how to murder Bokuto and Kuroo. Lev wasn't exactly okay with this, as all the eggs Tendou threw at them hit him. "Please stop that Yaku-San!" He wasn't going to stop.

"Asahi what the fuck?!", Daichi exclaimed as he was being chased by the timid ace, tiny Libero armed With several egg cartons on his shoulders. "Yuu Said I'd be spared if I helped." Nishinoya giggled and threw another egg at their captain from Asahi's shoulders. "Yeah yeah! Asahi-san is so tall that I can be tall!" "Stop moving Yuu or you're gonna fall." "Huh? No I'm no- FUCK"

Yachi found herself backed into a corner, Hanamaki was grinning at her, egg in hand. But just before he threw it, Yachi fell to the ground and _squeaked_. Actually fucking squeaked like some rubber dog toy. This startled Hanamaki so much that he dropped the egg he was holding. "Please don't hurt me!!", Yachi cried.

And Hanamaki was done for. No way he could even think of hurting this cinnamon roll. "BABE I CANT DO IT!" Matsukawa slowly walked over. "And why is that?" "LOOK AT HER!"

Surprised to have been spared, Yachi hesitantly looked up. Matsukawa gripped his chest. "Yeah no okay."

He walked over to her and put a hand on her shoulder. "Join us, little one."

"...what?" "JOIN US."

"I am going to kill you Ryu. You hear me? KILL YO- AH FUCK" "STOP TRYING ENNOSHITA IT'S NO USE- NOW RUN AWAY WITH US NARITA FOUND A HIDING SPACE!", Kinoshita yelled as he and Ennoshita were being chased by Tanaka.

"Go on Ya-Chan Just throw it!" "What if I don't hit?" "Then try again! That's the fun part!" "What if they hate me for throwing eggs at them?!" "Trust me they won't. They couldn't hate you if they tried. Even the salt-shaker-saurus likes you."

Terushima whipped around. "Hey hold up why are you roping Karasuno's cute manger-Chan into this?" He was _heavily_ judging the Seijoh meme team, that was currently convincing Yachi to throw eggs at either of her boyfriends.

(Kageyama and Hinata were oblivious to all this, as they had started throwing eggs at each other for some reason.)

Hanamaki flipped him off. "Because Ya-Chan is one of us now!" _Splash_. "Oh my god this is fucking disgusting!" Terushima screeched as an egg was thrown directly at his face.

To everyone's surprise Yachi was the one who had thrown it. "D-did I do Good...?" Matsukawa lifted her onto his shoulders. "MORE THAN GOOD!" This earned him another squeak from the first year but at this point they had gotten used to it.

"HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY DAUGHTER?!" Sugawara looked ready to stab them, so they went with the only logical option.

Run.

"YA-CHAN IS WITH US NOW!"

"Hey wait- HITOKA WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Hinata and Kageyama had finally realized what was going on. The manager squeaked one more time. "I DONT KNOW!" And because she was still sitting on Matsukawa's shoulders, she had to cling to him in order to not Fall off as he ran.

At some point Iwaizumi had started throwing eggs at Oikawa, but no one was surprised about _that_.

Bokuto and Kuroo were chasing most of Datekou around, Koganegawa being in tears. "STOP THROWING MY UNBORN BRETHREN AT ME-" he cried. To no avail of course.

Now, this actually made Nishinoya and Tanaka momentarily stop their antics. Was this morally okay? They _were_ crows after all, were they throwing their unborn brethren?

They decided to just not give a fuck.

Akaashi had joined Kenma in his safe space. So had Kunimi. (He hadn't hesitated to use his poor boyfriend as a distraction. Kindaichi was currently being bombarded with eggs by Yamamoto and there was nothing he could do against it.)

Furniture was tipped over, there was lots of yelling and broken eggs were laying everywhere. It might've have been funny for someone who wasn't involved, really.

"I WILL KILL A BITCH!"  
"TRY ME HORNYHABA!"  
"ACTUALLY FUCKING FIGHT ME SHINJI!"

Kyoutani was standing at the side, lots of eggs already sticking to his clothes. He was _not_ going to get involved in Watari's and Yahaba's fight. Not today.

Eggs were being thrown around between the two and _oh_ that one flew dangerously close to Fukunaga.  
She looked like she was having the time of her life, sitting on the couch that was for some reason upside down with that shit eating grin. He'd love to throw something at her, but after witnessing the power of her blackmail folder several times he was smarter than that.

"Hey Fukunaga!" Everyone turned around to look at Misaki. Perhaps it was because of the challenging tone in her voice that any sane person wouldn't have when taking to Fukunaga.

"It's not fair that You're the only one not getting dirty you know?" Fukunaga tilted her head in either confusion or amusement, Kyoutani really couldn't tell. Then it happened.

Misaki threw an egg at her.

Misaki threw an egg at Fukunaga.

_Fukunaga I have blackmail on literally all of you and am not afraid to use it Shouhei._

That was when he realized that the manager was one of the only few people save from Fukunaga's blackmail. She probably thought she was safe.

Fukunaga was literal hellspawn though, so Misaki should have been smarter than that. It only took five seconds or so for a _fucking bucket_ (where'd Yamamoto even get a bucket???) filled to the brim with eggs was emptied right over her head by non other than Yamamoto.

She screeched and Kyoutani could honestly understand that.

"Where'd you come from?!" "My fiancé summoned me."

Silence.

"Wasn't this supposed to be a wedding?" Goshiki said what they all were thinking.

Murmurs of agreement could be heard.

In a few minutes, people were dragged out of their hiding spaces, tables were aligned to form a mini altar and Teshiro somehow manifested one of those crappy paper plates, claiming that he'll be ring bearer.

Asahi, Fukunaga and Yamamoto were now standing behind the pathetic little makeshift alter. "Jesus you'll give us your blessing right?" Yamamoto asked, looking at Asahi.

"None of us. And I repeat _none_ of us are Christian." "Literally no one cares Jesus-kun." Fukunaga snickered at the conversation next to her.  
"Yeah I don't either so you get my blessing I guess. You may now kiss the whatever the gender neutral equivalent to wife is." They did kiss. Once, twice. Maybe tence. No one keeps track really.

"Oi Tamahiko!" Yamamoto called and Teshiro walked up to his "parents" looking way to excited. There on the crappy paper plate was a small box. Fukunaga looked at it confused.

"Open it."

Slowly, Fukunaga did. A gasp escaped her mouth.

And for the first time since the party started, Fukunaga physically said something. "You fucking sap."

It was very obvious that Fukunaga was indeed overjoyed by whatever was inside.

Asahi chuckled. "Didn't take you as the romantic type Yamamoto." "Well, I'm a man full of surprises."

As it turned out they were _actual_ rings, that Yamamoto had actually bothered buying. Nothing too expensive but it was still sweet.

"Man and I thought TsukkiYama was ridiculously adorable but also kinda cheap and pathetic. Making them the sweetest couple over. But like these two totally win now." "Same here, same here."

"Nawwww that's so sweet. I want me a man like that. Or woman. Or person. Anyone.", Shibayama exclaimed. Inuoka who was standing next to him seemed somewhat offended. "Hello? I'm right here???"

Shibayama turned to him in surprise. "Since when are we dating and why didn't you tell me? Cuz like I've been crushing on you for almost a year now." Kiyoko who was standing next to them slowly backed away. Giving them at least a little privacy.

"We aren't. But like I also totally have a crush on you sooo..." Inuoka got down on one knee. "Will you marry me Yuuki?"

"Woah there moving fast but yolo so yeah sure."

Lev could not believe this utter bullshit. These absolute idiots had been bugging him about their crushes for how long now? _And now they got together like this???_  
He was about ready to quit.

Bokuto was happily jumping up and down "Ooh another wedding!" Akaashi stared- no glared at the two first years. "Please don't repeat this mess." 

The new couple looked at each other in amusement. "No promises." Inuoka snickered and Akaashi looked about ready to die.

"Hey Shibyama!" He looked up just in time to catch the (egg stained) pillow Fukunaga threw at him. Confused, he looked at his senpai who only grinned. "It's the Bouquet.", she said.

Oh.

So they _were_ getting married next huh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just gonna go ahead and say it, their wedding won't be as horrible as this and it'll probably just be a bad chat joke chapter.
> 
> I was originally planning on making it a Tsukkiyama wedding but someone commented this and since I'm obsessed with Nekoma it seemed funnier to me lol. (Also watch me only really giving rare pairs attention and therefore pleasing 1 in 10 people- I like characters with 0-10 lines in the whole anime ig)
> 
> This wasn't a one time thing but also the next chapters are gonna be groupchats.  
> (And updated at random, about probably random topics)


	11. I honestly don‘t know- but like- Conga

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hahahahhaha conga
> 
> Also dramatic Kyouhaba (or is it)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because it's seriously getting a lot at this point...
> 
> Karasuno  
> -Literal Ball of Sunshine - Hinata Shouyo  
> -Swageyama Tobiyolo - Kageyama Tobio  
> -Anxious cinnamon roll - Yachi Hitoka  
> -Tsukki's stars - Yamaguchi Tadashi  
> -Yama's moon - Tsukishima Kei
> 
> -Tired of my team's shit - Ennoshita Chikara  
> -Rolling Thunder into your Heart -Nishinoya Yuu  
> -Buddha - Tanaka Ryuunosuke  
> -An average person - Kinoshita Hisashi  
> -Naruto - Narita Kazuhito
> 
> -Sugar mummy -Sugawara Koushi  
> -D(e)adchi - Sawamura Daichi  
> -Your Lord and Saviour - Azumane Asahi
> 
> Nekoma  
> -Dog -Inuoka Sou  
> -Longcat - Haiba Lev  
> -Everyone's favorite kitten -Shibayama Yuuki  
> -Smol kitten - Teshiro Tamahiko
> 
> -Fierce Tiger(cub) - Yamamoto Taketora  
> -Neko Atsume is a blessing - Kozume Kenma  
> -Manekineko-neko-nii - Fukunaga Shouhei
> 
> -Constantly on catnip - Kuroo Tetsurou  
> -Meow - Kai Noboyuki  
> -Grumpy cat - Yaku Morisuke
> 
> Seijoh  
> -Turnips don't get proper names - Kindaichi Yuutarou  
> -I hate everyone - Kunimi Akira
> 
> -Seijoh's last hope at sanity - Watari Shinji  
> -Creampuff of your nightmares - Yahaba Shigeru  
> -The maddest of dogs - Kyoutani Kentarou
> 
> -Single parent - Iwaizumi Hajime  
> -Pancakes are still cakes - Oikawa Tooru  
> -Never gonna give you up - Matsukawa Issei  
> -Never gonna let you down - Hanamaki Takahiro
> 
> Shiratorizawa  
> -Precious Baby - Goshiki Tsutomu
> 
> -Never gonna fill Tendou's shoes - Kawanishi Taichi  
> -Shirabitch - Shirabu Kenjirou
> 
> -Tender Salami - Tendou Satori  
> -Gay Farmer boi - Ushijima Wakatoshi  
> -Benkei - Oohira Reon  
> -Falcon man - Yamagata Hayato  
> -Team Mum but I admit I pick favorites - Semi Eita
> 
> Johzenji  
> -Resident Playboy - Terushima Yuuji  
> -Ima spank you - Misaki Hana
> 
> Datekou  
> -Angry birds in rl - Koganegawa Kanji  
> -Sacutenami - Sakunami Kousuke
> 
> -FukDaChoochie - Futakuchi Kenji  
> -Brick wall - Aone Takanobu
> 
> -The biggest appetite - Kamasaki Yasushi  
> -Monimum - Moniwa Kaname  
> -Old man vibes - Sasaya Takehito
> 
> Fukurodani  
> -Bokuto's personal babysitter - Akaashi Keiji  
> -Thiccccc - Bokuto Koutarou

_**16:00 / 4:00 pm** _

**Hornyhaba deserves no rights**

**Brick wall:** Come💃on🕺shake💃your🕺body💃do🕺that💃conga🕺know💃you🕺cant💃control🕺💃any🕺longer💃🕺💃🕺💃  
  


 **I hate everyone:** I have so many questions

**FukDaChoochie:** Aone, please no

**Brick wall:** :c

**Your lord and savior:** how are Ya'll doing after yesterday

**Anxious cinnamon roll:** pretty swag ngl

**Sugar mummy:** what the fuck did They do to you

**Anxious cinnamon roll:** sorry mum I'm one of the cool kids now 😎

**Anxious cinnamon roll:** jkjk that was pretty cringe

**Never gonna give you up:** Hitoka-Chan I love you

**Swageyama Tobiyolo:** back off

**Literal ball of sunshine:** back off!!

**D(e)adchi:** dont talk to my daughter

**Never gonna let you down:** damm that's some weird ass pedo shit

**Never gonna give you up:** baBe

**Never gonna give you up:** EVERYONE CALM DOWN I MEANT PLATONICALLY

**Tsukki's stars:** quick question

**Never gonna let you down:** shoot

**Tsukki's stars:** which one of you is which again...?

**Thiccccc:** That's a good question

**Never gonna give you up:** I'm Takahiro

**Never gonna let you down:** No I'm Takahiro he's Issei

**Never gonna let you down:** or am I

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** pretty fucking bold of you to assume _any_ of us bothered to find out and remember your first names

**Rolling thunder into your heart:** gotta agree with Fukunaga here

**Fierce Tiger(cub):** of course you do my spouse is the smartest person ever (also he's a he rn just so Ya'll know)

**Never gonna give you up:** wow I'm hurt

**Manekineko-neko-nii:** good

**Tender Salami:** Come💃on🕺shake💃your🕺body💃do🕺that💃conga🕺know💃you🕺cant💃control🕺💃any🕺longer💃🕺💃🕺💃

**Gay Farmer boi:** Satori, what is the meaning of this?

**Brick wall:** !!

**Brick wall:** Come💃on🕺shake💃your🕺body💃do🕺that💃conga🕺know💃you🕺cant💃control🕺💃any🕺longer💃🕺💃🕺💃

**Yama's moon:** oh my god shut up all of you this shit is not even funny

**Turnips don't get proper names:** Come💃on🕺shake💃your🕺body💃do🕺that💃conga🕺know💃you🕺cant💃control🕺💃any🕺longer💃🕺💃🕺💃

**Pancakes are still cakes:** Come💃on🕺shake💃your🕺body💃do🕺that💃conga🕺know💃you🕺cant💃control🕺💃any🕺longer💃🕺💃🕺💃

**Single parent:** I _will_ kill you shittykawa

**Everyone's favorite kitten:** please not this crap again Fukunaga and Yamamoto already spammed the team chat with it

**Constantly on catnip:** Come💃on🕺shake💃your🕺body💃do🕺that💃conga🕺know💃you🕺cant💃control🕺💃any🕺longer💃🕺💃🕺💃

**Turnips don't get proper names:** Come💃on🕺shake💃your🕺body💃do🕺that💃conga🕺know💃you🕺cant💃control🕺💃any🕺longer💃🕺💃🕺💃

**Thiccccc:** Come💃on🕺shake💃your🕺body💃do🕺that💃conga🕺know💃you🕺cant💃control🕺💃any🕺longer💃🕺💃🕺💃

**Bokuto's personal babysitter:** No.

**Thiccccc:** :c

**Swageyama Tobiyolo:** Come💃on🕺shake💃your🕺body💃do🕺that💃conga🕺know💃you🕺cant💃control🕺💃any🕺longer💃🕺💃🕺💃

**Pancakes are still cakes:** Tobio-Chan??

**Buddha:** Kags??? HAHAH LMAO

**Buddha:** Come💃on🕺shake💃your🕺body💃do🕺that💃conga🕺know💃you🕺cant💃control🕺💃any🕺longer💃🕺💃🕺💃

**Rolling thunder into your heart:** Come💃on🕺shake💃your🕺body💃do🕺that💃conga🕺know💃you🕺cant💃control🕺💃any🕺longer💃🕺💃🕺💃

**An average person:** Come💃on🕺shake💃your🕺body💃do🕺that💃conga🕺know💃you🕺cant💃control🕺💃any🕺longer💃🕺💃🕺💃

**Turnips don't get proper names:** Come💃on🕺shake💃your🕺body💃do🕺that💃conga🕺know💃you🕺cant💃control🕺💃any🕺longer💃🕺💃🕺💃

**Tender Salami:** Come💃on🕺shake💃your🕺body💃do🕺that💃conga🕺know💃you🕺cant💃control🕺💃any🕺longer💃🕺💃🕺💃

**Gay Farmer boi:** I do not understand.

**Tender Salami:** Just join us Waka-Chan!!

**Gay Farmer boi:** Waka-Chan...?

**Gay Farmer boi:** I...

**Gay Farmer boi:** Come💃on🕺shake💃your🕺body💃do🕺that💃conga🕺know💃you🕺cant💃control🕺💃any🕺longer💃🕺💃🕺💃

**FukDaChoochie:** haha the idiots's so fucking whipped

**Shirabitch:** Come💃on🕺shake💃your🕺body💃do🕺that💃conga🕺know💃you🕺cant💃control🕺💃any🕺longer💃🕺💃🕺💃

**Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** you??

**Shirabitch:** it's a meme thing mum. You're too old you wouldn't understand

**Team mum but I admit I pick favorites:** I will beat you up and the spit on you you little bitch

**Turnips don't get proper names:** Come💃on🕺shake💃your🕺body💃do🕺that💃conga🕺know💃you🕺cant💃control🕺💃any🕺longer💃🕺💃🕺💃

**I hate everyone:** WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET YOU TO STOP

**I hate everyone** : PLEASE FIRST IT WAS DMS THEN THE TEAM CHAT NOW THIS- YOU'VE PRETTY MUCH BEEN SPAMMING ME WITH THIS FOR A SOLID HOUR

**Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** am I dreaming or did Kunimi finally loose his chill

**Neko Atsume is a blessing:** to be fair I would too if some bitch spammed me with this for an hour

**Turnips don't get proper names:** I actually have something in mind wanna hear it?

**I hate everyone:** I'LL DO ANYTHING

**Turnips don't get proper names:** anything?

**I hate everyone:** YES

**Turnips don't get proper names:** date me

**I hate everyone:** ...are you serious?

**Turnips don't get proper names:** very

**I hate everyone:** ...

**I hate everyone:** you're free today right? Get ready I'll pick you up in an hour we're going on a date. I already have it planned out along with our next ten.

**Turnips don't get proper names:** WAIT SRSLY?! SWEET

**Monimum:** did- did he just?

**Grumpy cat:** yeAH

**Pancakes are still cakes:** I'm so proud of my Kouhai-

**Single parent:** I'm not

**Constantly on catnip:** speaking of Kouhai that are in love- Shibayama, Inuoka, when's the wedding?

**Dog:** none of you are invited Istg

**Constantly on catnip:** EXCUSE ME?!

**Meow:** that's fair

**Everyone's favorite kitten:** no but srsly we don't wanna repeat yesterday under any circumstances that was a terrifying experience

**Your lord and savior:** I showered two times my hair still kinda smells like eggs

**Smol kitten:** MY CLOTHES DO TOO

**Dog:** seee???

**Tired of my team's shit:** yeah okay I don't even blame you

**Longcat:** Come💃on🕺shake💃your🕺body💃do🕺that💃conga🕺know💃you🕺cant💃control🕺💃any🕺longer💃🕺💃🕺💃

**The biggest appetite:** I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE WITH THIS NOW

**Precious baby:** Lev?? I think you're a little to late

**Longcat:** WAIT OH MY GOD YOU SAID MY NAME RIGHT-

**Precious baby:** *Leg

**Longcat:** :c

**Benkei:** _who taught him to be purposefully mean I just wanna talk_

**Never gonna fill Tendou's shoes:** is that rlly a question when we're in the same team as Shirabu

**Naruto:** Come💃on🕺shake💃your🕺body💃do🕺that💃conga🕺know💃you🕺cant💃control🕺💃any🕺longer💃🕺💃🕺💃

**Yama's moon:** don't think I won't stab you you little bitch

**Naruto:** fucking try me

**Resident playboy:** so the wedding?

**Dog:** we're still thinking about it shush

**Privat chat between: Creampuff of your nightmares - The maddest of dogs**

**The maddest of dogs:** Shigeru

**Creampuff of your nightmares:** ye?

**The maddest of dogs:** uhhh this is kinda hard to say but

**The maddest of dogs:** I don't rlly think that like-

**The maddest of dogs:** uuuuuhhhh

**Creampuff of your nightmares:** What is it Ken?

**The maddest of dogs:** I'm not your boyfriend anymore?

**Creampuff of your nightmares:**

**Creampuff of your nightmares:** ...what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, this chapter was made when the Conga copy Pasta thing on TikTok was still funny
> 
> Sorry this chapter is kinda short but ye I wanted the dramatic cliffhanger lol


	12. Just trans bitches doing trans things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Transgender takeover  
> That’s it, that’s the chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because it's seriously getting a lot at this point...
> 
> Karasuno  
> -Literal Ball of Sunshine - Hinata Shouyo  
> -Swageyama Tobiyolo - Kageyama Tobio  
> -Anxious cinnamon roll - Yachi Hitoka  
> -Tsukki's stars - Yamaguchi Tadashi  
> -Yama's moon - Tsukishima Kei
> 
> -Tired of my team's shit - Ennoshita Chikara  
> -Rolling Thunder into your Heart -Nishinoya Yuu  
> -Buddha - Tanaka Ryuunosuke  
> -An average person - Kinoshita Hisashi  
> -Naruto - Narita Kazuhito
> 
> -Sugar mummy -Sugawara Koushi  
> -D(e)adchi - Sawamura Daichi  
> -Your Lord and Saviour - Azumane Asahi
> 
> Nekoma  
> -Dog -Inuoka Sou  
> -Longcat - Haiba Lev  
> -Everyone's favorite kitten -Shibayama Yuuki  
> -Smol kitten - Teshiro Tamahiko
> 
> -Fierce Tiger(cub) - Yamamoto Taketora  
> -Neko Atsume is a blessing - Kozume Kenma  
> -Manekineko-neko-nii - Fukunaga Shouhei
> 
> -Constantly on catnip - Kuroo Tetsurou  
> -Meow - Kai Noboyuki  
> -Grumpy cat - Yaku Morisuke
> 
> Seijoh  
> -Turnips don't get proper names - Kindaichi Yuutarou  
> -I hate everyone - Kunimi Akira
> 
> -Seijoh's last hope at sanity - Watari Shinji  
> -Creampuff of your nightmares - Yahaba Shigeru  
> -The maddest of dogs - Kyoutani Kentarou
> 
> -Single parent - Iwaizumi Hajime  
> -Pancakes are still cakes - Oikawa Tooru  
> -Never gonna give you up - Matsukawa Issei  
> -Never gonna let you down - Hanamaki Takahiro
> 
> Shiratorizawa  
> -Precious Baby - Goshiki Tsutomu
> 
> -Never gonna fill Tendou's shoes - Kawanishi Taichi  
> -Shirabitch - Shirabu Kenjirou
> 
> -Tender Salami - Tendou Satori  
> -Gay Farmer boi - Ushijima Wakatoshi  
> -Benkei - Oohira Reon  
> -Falcon man - Yamagata Hayato  
> -Team Mum but I admit I pick favorites - Semi Eita
> 
> Johzenji  
> -Resident Playboy - Terushima Yuuji  
> -Ima spank you - Misaki Hana
> 
> Datekou  
> -Angry birds in rl - Koganegawa Kanji  
> -Sacutenami - Sakunami Kousuke
> 
> -FukDaChoochie - Futakuchi Kenji  
> -Brick wall - Aone Takanobu
> 
> -The biggest appetite - Kamasaki Yasushi  
> -Monimum - Moniwa Kaname  
> -Old man vibes - Sasaya Takehito
> 
> Fukurodani  
> -Bokuto's personal babysitter - Akaashi Keiji  
> -Thiccccc - Bokuto Koutarou

_**16:20/4:20pm** _   
**Privat chat between: Creampuff of your nightmares - The maddest of dogs**

**The maddest of dogs:** Shigeru

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** ye?

 **The maddest of dogs:** uhhh this is kinda hard to say but

 **The maddest of dogs:** I don't rlly think that like-

 **The maddest of dogs:** uuuuuhhhh

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** What is it Ken?

 **The maddest of dogs:** I'm not your boyfriend anymore?

**Creampuff of your nightmares:**

**Creampuff of your nightmares:** ...what?

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** KENTAROU?!?!

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** ARE YOU BREAKING UP WITH ME?!

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** don't get me wrong- that's fine- u have every right to end this relationship if you no longer feel comfortable in it and/or ur feelings have changed and I would never force you to be in a relationship with me because I actually rlly like u and that's not what This shit is about but like why what did I do wrong can I fix it it please give me a chance I rlly rlly like u and would love to continue dating u and this is so sudden I'm so sorry- just EuGH

 **The maddest of dogs:** oh my god Shigeru r u having a breakdown rn??

 **The maddest of dogs:** it's fine you're fine I'm not breaking up with you please calm down I didn't wanna upset you oh god

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** you're not?

 **The maddest of dogs:** heck no that was bad wording ig- I still wanna date you, what I meant is just that I'm not your boyfriend , I don't think at least

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** ???

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** WAIT THIS IS YOU COMING OUT AS TRANS

 **The maddest of dogs:** YES

 **The maddest of dogs:** I've been questioning for some time and like- hope you don't mind?

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** why should I mind?? I'm not allowed to control u if anything I should be happy that someone I care about has learned something knew about themselveS

 **The maddest of dogs:** Omfg ily

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** I Love you too, though your standards seem to be pretty low that's basic human decency-

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** WAIT I forgot to ask- pronouns?? Oh and what I should I Call you?? And I know that technically it doesn't matter but what exactly do you identify as if you're not mtf?

 **The maddest of dogs:** Agender. I think. And It would be pretty cool if you could just call me Ken for now. Or Kyouken, don't tell Shittykawa I actually like that name though

 **The maddest of dogs:** and I'm not rlly not sure about the pronouns thing? Like, most agender people use they/them I think? And I wouldn't mind that but it doesn't rlly feel right? Definitely not he or she tho

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** Okay I can do that!! And you don't have to do everything just like other people- you could maybe try neopronouns?

 **The maddest of dogs:** thanks ily- and there's actually pronouns I think I'd like? They're just...weird I think?

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** Don't worry u can tell me

 **The maddest of dogs:** I wouldn't mind being called an it I think? I'd actually like it??

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** that's totally fine Ken!! If you want I can start using it/its pronouns for you right now- nobody has to know yet of course

 **The maddest of dogs:** what did I do to deserve you omg- and I kinda wanna tell the team?

 **The maddest of dogs:** I don't rlly mind if the whole school knows tbh, I don't care about most people's opinions and it's not like I actually interact with people outside of volleyball- and from the bullying you gc I can tell the teams we're on good terms with won't say any rude shit since Fukunaga and Ennoshita are both out

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** well that's good!!

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** any other important emotional shit?

 **The maddest of dogs:** nah not rlly

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** good bc now I'm going back to being an asshole- cant have you thinking I'm going soft u lil bitch

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** oh oh! Before I forget what should I call you since ur obviously not my Boyfriend??

 **The maddest of dogs:** I dunno? Your Enbyfriend? Your Lover? Your Partner? Your Main hoe? Your Soulmate?

 **Creampuff of your nightmares:** I'm officially introducing you to people as my Main hoe or my Soulmate and there won't be an in between

 **The maddest of dogs:** pfffft fine by me

_**16:34/4:34pm** _   
**The flat king's domain**

**Creampuff of your nightmares:** everyone!! There's something my main hoe wants you to know

 **The maddest of dogs:** I'm agender

 **The maddest of dogs:** fuck this is awkward

 **I hate everyone:** cool. Pronouns?

 **The maddest of dogs:** it/its?

 **I hate everyone:** cool

 **I hate everyone:** I literally do not care but good for you Kyoutani

 **Never gonna let you down:** Ooooh Kyoutani you're super valid!!

 **Never gonna give you up:** couldn't have said it better

 **Seijoh's last hope at sanity:** hey that's cool and you're totally valid! But like since we're usually on first name basis what should I call you?? Is Kentarou still fine?

 **The maddest of dogs:** I'd prefer just Ken thx. Or like...Kyouken

 **Turnips don't get proper names:** yo you actually like that name?? That's surprising-

 **The maddest of dogs:** it grew on me- also highkey made me realize I wanna be an it

 **Pancakes are still cakes:** Did you read that Iwa-Chan? It actually appreciates the nickname I gave it!!

 **Single parent:** yeah yeah It probably still doesn't like you, isn't that right Ken?

 **The maddest of dogs:** haha no

 **The maddest of dogs:** thx for the pronoun thing btw I'm not that dense

 **Single parent:** you are very welcome Ken, you're very valid

 **Pancakes are still cakes:** usually I'd be offended but for now I'll just agree with Iwa-Chan. Thanks for telling us Kyouken-Chan!

_**16:40/4:40pm** _   
**Trans agenda takeover**

_**I hate everyone added The maddest of dogs** _

**I hate everyone:** I don't have time I'm getting ready for my date with my new boyfriend but like- it's one of us say hi

 **The maddest of dogs** : tf is this??

 **The maddest of dogs:** a trans chat?

 **Tired of my team's shit:** that's exactly what it is

 **The maddest of dogs:** I didn't know Kunimi was trans??

 **Tired of my team's shit:** oh he's just...Kunimi... he's above gender and doesn't need it. He's fine with any pronouns so he just doesn't bother telling people unless they explicitly ask him

 **The maddest of dogs:** oh good to know ig

 **An average person:** oh a new member!! Did you just come out?? Kunimi said it- do you prefer it/its?

 **The maddest of dogs:** yes and yes

 **Ima spank you:** you do strike me as the it kinda enby

 **The maddest of dogs:** also Kinoshita?? Misaki??

 **An average person:** I'm a trans guy. I just never talk about it since it's not a big deal

 **Ima spank you:** same thing here just the other way around

 **The maddest of dogs:** ah that's cool

 **Manenineko-neko-nii:** 2500 YEN CHIKARA- NOW

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** I TOLD YOU THIS BITCH WASNT CIS- LIKE WHAT CIS PERSON RESPONDS TO MAD DOG

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** no Offense to you Kyoutani That's a cool af name- like dude (I use dude as a gender neutral word don't judge)

**The maddest of dogs:**

**The maddest of dogs:** is it just me or is Fukunaga a lot more talkative here than usual

 **Tired of my team's shit:** yeah I dunno he tends to be a little more wild in this chat

 **Tired of my team's shit:** also Kyoutani are you by any chance agender?

 **The maddest of dogs:** yeah

 **Tired of my team's shit:** HOLY SHIT SHOUHEI HOW'D YOU PREDICT ITS PRONOUNS AND GENDER IDENTITY- LIKE THE NOT CIS THING I UNDERSTAND BUT ANYTHING ELSE??

 **Manekineko-neko-nii:** I'm just that good

 **An average person:** pffffffft

 **The maddest of dogs:** wait Aone is in this?

 **Ima spank you:** did he honestly strike you as anything but an enby

 **The maddest of dogs:** fair point

 **An average person:** he likes he/they pronouns, doesn't rlly talk much anyways so most people outside of his team don't know. Will tell you if you ask though

 **The maddest of dogs:** there are more trans people involved in volleyball than I thought- WAIT YAMAGUCHI

 **Tsukki's stars:** Genderfluid. Not out yet.

 **Tsukki's stars:** may I Ask how long you took to come out? Like, I know none of my close friends are transphobic and especially the team cuz of Ennoshita but still I'm just not ready-

 **The maddest of dogs:** hey hey not being ready is valid- I've known pretty much ever since the day we lost to you, took me a lot of time to accept it though. I came out to pretty much everyone like ten minutes ago

 **Tsukki's stars:** :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, you, the trans person reading this!  
> Whatever you identify as and whatever pronouns you prefer you are very valid and loved!
> 
> If you don’t think anyone loves you, then I‘ve got news for you bish because I love you!!
> 
> This chapter was kind of my way of coping with some shit, so sorry that it wasn’t funny (or at least attempted humor like usual) next time it‘ll (probably) be more joke-ish again

**Author's Note:**

> This is a mistake but I don’t really mind that tbh


End file.
